[tmtranscripts] Nebadonia 12.27.04 - Clear Self-understanding

[JERRY LANE]

Dear Folks,    Happy New Year!  Here is Mother Spirit's inspiration and 
cautions on the subject.  It feels good to know that She in turn knows our 
lives so intimately She can offer those insights we can use.  Thus Spirit 
comes down to earth in the most pragmatic ways to help us survive as we are, 
and as who we are - body, mind, and spirit - personality and soul.  Take 
care.  Jerry - Nytrayn at msn.com.

Nebadonia 12.27.04

Marin TM group

Dear Michael and Mother Nebadonia,    Welcome once again to our worldly 
home.  Another year draws to a close and, reflecting back, we wish to thank 
You again for these wonderful Monday night visits and for all the love You 
have showered on us, all the insights You have given us as to how to live a 
more spirit-valued life, and the deep peace You offer us to hold in our 
hearts as a calm, secure center as we go through our days.  We look forward 
to another year of Your wonderful company in our minds and in our hearts.  
Amen.

Nebadonia:  Good evening, My children, and a slightly premature Happy New 
Year.  This is your Mother, Nebadonia.  Just relax all your worldly cares 
for a while.  Let your minds expand and just drift along.  Life itself has 
such a varied pace it seems to so easily adapt to the requirements you put 
upon it.  So it is nice to remember that you do have some control over it, 
and you can allow it to slow and expand and carry along your attention 
effortlessly to a meeting with your spiritual parents.

It is the expansive nature of this contact with spirit that I wish you to 
experience tonight.  See if you can feel My presence penetrating your minds. 
  Now I am like a thickening space in which there is more of something 
alert, and you, moving ever so gently now, relaxing all need, secure and 
complete in yourself, content for awhile just to let life come to you.  Feel 
the deep healing here of all the frayed and tattered fabric of your life as 
it has been twisted and pulled and torn by this vigorous and dynamic 
adventure you love so well.

Feel your deep innate wisdom, both in your love for the impenetrable 
adventure of living - the soul hunger for experience that you were born 
with, and also in your growing maturity, your ability to let the adventure 
go momentarily to rest and heal, to let this organic living tissue of your 
soul knit itself together again.  At these times feel the new connections, 
the new lines of understanding that are being formed.  Feel how the insights 
you are being given provide an illumination for these new connections.

This is how you continue to grow in your understanding of yourself.  Now as 
this wisdom grows, as you yourself and your spiritual confidence grow as you 
feel your Father Fragment’s hand and will and ability in this growth, let 
your understanding blossom with the spiritual fragrance of 
self-forgetfulness.  Now you can turn outwards to embrace others, confident 
that this living center of your soul is secure and self-perpetuating.  Now 
you can cease to worry and fret about yourself to naturally turn outward and 
accept all the wide reality about you in order to truly feed your soul.  
This will be your next adventure.

Now with a blossoming consciousness of a living encompassing of spirit, and 
a confidence deeply at peace within, you are ready for the service that God 
has in store for you.  Now you are ready and willing and able to share your 
life with others.  Be not afraid.  Small particular fears and cautions come 
and go like faithful sentinels, calling your attention to real dangers that 
you acknowledge with gratitude - to help you decide how to go this 
particular time.

Welcome these cautions, let them pique your interest and your curiosity 
while still, at heart, you are at peace and unafraid.  Now your wisdom kicks 
in and lets you know that it is these small shocks, this bumping up against 
what at times is a hard reality indeed - these experiences are what keep you 
sane.  You are alive, you are engaged, and the engagement can be a truly 
loving affair.

This is what We have planned for you, My children.  This was all in the 
works, so to speak, long, long before this world came into existence.  You 
were born with the capacity to grow the abilities with which to engage a 
reality that is at once both immediate and yet transcendent without limit.  
It is concrete and actual in ways you can never fathom, and at the same time 
it is an encompassing subtle beyond your imagination.  Accept this.  Welcome 
this as a divine field into which you were born and do not despair or be 
discouraged that there are some aspects of God’s reality forever beyond your 
grasp, but take heart and feel secure because it is His realm.

You cannot sit in the center of a sun nor in outer space, yet there will 
always be a place for you…always. The enormity - I should say - the sheer 
enormity of the universe is there partly for your enjoyment.  Do you 
hesitate to feel awestruck, or do you welcome with gleeful, cheerful hearts 
being overwhelmed with the mystery of existence?

This is your true home, My children.  As your Mother I will grant you, for 
this is also in the plan, that it is something you need to grow into. It is 
a bit daunting at first sight.  This is its nature and, true enough, no one 
learns that this reality is a true friend without a little worry and 
self-doubt and anxiety.  But each of these cautions will in time turn around 
and become those faithful sentinels to help keep you alive.  You especially, 
living in a highly developed mechanical society, need to be constantly 
vigilant and open to these deep intimations of danger, for your world is 
constantly changing.  This is just an inherent part of the price for your 
technology.  So welcome these intimations also, and be alert to their 
message.  There’s too much good and needful work to be done for you to be 
too reckless with, or disrespectful of these tender bodies you inhabit.

You all know wonderful stories of the unbelievable tenacity with which some 
folks have clung to life.  This is the spirit.  This is the true glory in 
existence.  And so it is we inspire each other.  We breathe life into each 
other.  I am with you in all your trials, your efforts, your 
accomplishments, your dashed hopes, your resurrected dreams, your laughter 
and your worry.  Call to Me in your moments of confusion or doubt.  If you 
can remember, in your moments of anger or vengefulness, never fear to let go 
of yourself.  Let the anger and feelings of retribution drop away.  Let Me 
carry us back to Michael’s peace and your self-completeness, your absolute 
existence within yourself so much greater than any retribution you could 
conceive.

Here your living, overflowing existence is the fountain of your generosity 
of an inexhaustible spirit.  Here, giving of yourself, allowing God’s love 
to directly flow through you to another, is the deepest reward and the real 
substance of your soul.  These are the moments that live forever.  So call 
upon Me.  Let Me inspire you.  Let Me bring you back home.

If you have any questions or comments, My sons, I am always glad to share 
them with you.  This is how you inspire Me.

Student:  Mother, first of all, I would like to thank You very much for Your 
daughter who has taken care of me all these years.  I just begin to 
recognize how much she has contributed to my life.  The question I have is: 
How do I become more open?  I recently learned that I have very great 
difficulty receiving from other people.  I don’t have too much trouble 
giving of myself to others.  I have a great deal of resistance to receiving 
from others and I would like to get over that and be open to people.

Nebadonia:  C, My son, let Me offer you an idea to think about: that in 
being open to others – listening, as Michael mentioned last week, by setting 
aside yourself and your self-consciousness to really hear and take in 
another person; this is giving yourself to them.  These are not two separate 
things; they are the same thing.  If someone offers you something as simple 
as a bite to eat or piece of clothing, perhaps some small toy or trinket 
they think you might enjoy, accept it.  Let them give to you.  This is your 
spiritual gift to them.

Think about this and ask yourself why there might be some resistance to 
this.  Think about the folks who refuse to accept anything from another 
because they don’t want to seem needy or ungrateful, or actually be 
thankful, and how this  attitude closes them off so they cannot really give 
of themselves.  As Michael also mentioned, this is an ability you have to 
learn, and it arises out of self-confidence.  In order not to be 
self-conscious, but selfless, you have to have the self-confidence that in a 
very short while you will re-emerge to yourself.  In a conversation simply 
hear what this other person longs to share with you and trust that your 
response will come spontaneously in its own good time.  For if you are 
trying to work out your answer at the same time you are trying to listen to 
them, you will find that not very much of them gets in.

Also last week Michael gave the insight of how necessary it is to keep up 
with thinking and reflecting about your life, within yourself, in your 
stillness and those times you are alone.  So when you do meet people, you 
are presenting them with an up-to-date person who is now ready to meet and 
be open to another.  Sometimes this is expressed in your vernacular as, “Not 
carrying all your baggage to the new meeting,” but being content to leave it 
in the past, because you have spent the effort to understand it.  Now you 
are open.  Now you are able to take in more.  Does this make sense to you, 
My son?

Student:  Yes, it does very much.  I had not seen the self-confidence part 
of it.  It looks to me a little like stepping off that cliff and having the 
ground show up under my foot.  It’s starting to be an exciting thing to do, 
instead of a terrifying thing to do. Thank You, Mother.

Nebadonia:  Once you begin to hear others, this will be an unknown that you 
will be allowing to happen.  You will just have to go along with it for a 
while, cherishing this, striving to be more and more empty inside to allow 
this person a deeper and deeper gift to you of what they have to say.  So at 
the same time you are giving to them in spirit.  For didn’t We say, once 
upon a time, the essence of spirit is sharing?

Student:  Yes.

Nebadonia:  This is how you are truly sharing your life, giving of yourself 
by emptying yourself for another.  You started with stating that sometimes 
you feel you are giving - but not being open, and now you see that they are 
actually the same thing.  Give it a try.  I believe you will be quite 
tickled with the result.

Student:  Yes, I will do that.  It sounds exciting.  Thank You, Mother.

Nebadonia:  You’re welcome.  Continue to be in My love.

Student:  I will, I am.

Student:  Yes, Mother, a couple of weeks ago I came to You on a private 
matter and, as I have been thinking about this quandary, or this choice that 
faces me, and many others, one of the key aspects of what I need to choose, 
or what I am choosing, in this regards with continuing a relationship or 
moving on to in a different direction, is, it’s like it’s a choice between 
either/or.  It’s like choosing God’s will or not, and I remember a few 
months back I had a similar dialogue with a previous transmitter, and they 
said that if I stayed in this present situation it would be quite a 
challenge and even a deterrent to my soul, to my spiritual growth.  With 
that, in a sense, I would be taking a leap of faith into Christ 
Consciousness by choosing not to continue the relationship.  So I found this 
statement on their part quite unacceptable.

Am I choosing God if I stay with these people and continue living with them? 
  Then I am not choosing God if this is a deterrent to my soul’s growth.  If 
I decide to break away, then I’m choosing God, I’m choosing to grow in 
spirit.  So that’s what I’ve been grappling with because I’ve already been 
in a marriage where it ended, obviously, because it was a deterrent to my 
soul’s growth and my growth into You, into God.  So that’s at the core of my 
quandary.  But what choice?  I would love some insight into that.

Nebadonia:  Yes, D, I could put it all in a single sentence, but then the 
explication of this could go in many directions, so this is where some 
explanation is needed. The single sentence would be: the quandary itself, 
and your choosing to wrestle with it, seeking clarity in feeling for God’s 
will - this is the essence of soul growth.  We have said you earn your soul, 
and this by wrestling with alternatives, trying to penetrate the future as 
much as you can in terms of this choice or that choice - what each might 
bring to these people who are part of the decision.

The decision will be yours to the degree, and only to the degree, that you 
can choose to make it.  Here I remind you that some decisions are simply 
postponed indefinitely.  But to make a decision that results in an 
irrevocable action - this will always be yours.  This is why decisions are 
neither Michael’s, nor Mine, or else they would not be truly yours to make.

But the soul growth that you asked about at first: this is in the wrestling 
with these alternatives.  This is in keeping in mind the true living 
personalities involved.  This is in sharing this time of trial with them.  
It is in struggling for clarity as to what is the right thing to do.  This 
is the essence of righteousness, not in a self-inflating sense of 
self-righteousness, but rather in humility in acknowledging the size of the 
quandary.  Do you follow my meaning here?

Student:  So far I do, and also the idea I guess…talk about 
self-forgetfulness in this context.

Nebadonia:  The self-forgetfulness is the openness that I discussed with C.  
It’s the full admission into yourself - without judgment, without 
categorizing - these other humanly-infinite beings.  The other people 
involved are, to you, ultimately beyond your grasp.  And it is the real 
effort, of striving to let in as much of them as you can, that requires so 
much letting go of yourself - letting go of this temptation to categorize, 
and just take in each person in the fullness of their unique being.  This is 
what requires the openness of selflessness, and it is not inexhaustible.  
You will find a limit to this.  You can exhaust this capacity, but it is 
only by exercising this capacity, like a muscle, can it grow.  This is how 
you grow in character.  This is how you grow in soul.  You know from your 
own experience, when you think of someone who impresses you as being very 
soulful, how much of you they able to open themselves to.  And is this not 
something worthwhile working for?

Student :  What of my own personal needs and desires and wants, especially 
in the relationship between a man and a woman; what of those then?

Nebadonia:  I should think they would be equal to any other person’s.  But 
that equality is a difficult quantity, maybe even a quality, to arrive at.  
No one can be purely or absolutely objective, but it is certainly an ideal 
to strive for.  As We have invited you to before: always put yourself in the 
picture.  When you think of the future, don’t forget to put yourself there.  
This is where self-knowledge should be enormously beneficial if you can 
know, more than another person’s, your own needs and desires.  It’s also 
that the more you know yourself, and the clearer you can see yourself, the 
more this, then, becomes a lens, a clearer lens through which you can 
understand others.

Student:  It’s like when we talked with each other in private, it’s really 
me being honest with myself with what I feel and what I need in 
relationships.

Nebadonia:  Understand with a degree of wisdom, so that you are not asking 
for, or expecting, the impossible - for example.  Honest and wise.

Student:  Sometimes I say to myself, especially in those moments when I’m 
being self-forgetful and things seem to be moving through me: I’m, like, the 
household.  I can live with this.  But then there are other times where I 
feel, and I mentioned this to You before, my soul sense of - I thank God, I 
can’t see myself being a part of this in years to come.  So that’s what I’m 
grappling with.

And then this transmitter told me a few months ago that if I stuck around 
with the family it could be a deterrent to my soul growth and my growth as a 
human being, as an expression of God, you know; that’s not what I really 
wanted to hear.  At this time it’s like a choice between going into God or 
Christ Consciousness, or not.  And I don’t know if it’s that clear-cut.  I 
don’t know if it’s even a choice.

Nebadonia:  One thing that should be of help, D, is your journal.

Student:  Yes.

Nebadonia:  And you just mentioned a kind of back and forth, coming and 
going, either in your self-awareness, or your awareness of the situation - 
which sometimes feels very spacious and full of possibilities, and other 
times seems to be closing down into something inimitable to your growth.  
Ask yourself and see if you can clarify: what is changing?  Is it events in 
the situation - causing this fluctuation of your attitude, or is it more 
organically within yourself?  Is the situation pretty much unchanged, and it 
is you yourself who is going back and forth in your attitude towards it?  
This may be of great help if you could clarify this.

Student: Yes, I can see that.

Nebadonia:  Some situations can be incorporated, and you simply grow in your 
maturity and abilities to accept others.  And this truly solves the problem. 
  I think it is this possibility that makes you wonder why at one time you 
were told you had leave in order to keep growing.  If that session is in the 
transcripts, you may wish to revisit it to be certain that was what was 
being offered.

Student:  The bottom line is, I just want to grow in God, no matter what 
decision I make.  That’s all I want.  I know there is a part of me that 
would love to, possibly, experience another person, another woman; 
experience other things.  But deep down I just desire to experience my 
God-self and to live my life knowing what purpose is, and love.  That’s 
basically it.  I don’t care about accruing mercy points, or getting a great 
seat on the Mansion Worlds, or even being Adjuster-fused.  I don’t care 
about any of that.  I just want to live my life authentically and in dignity 
and integrity to the best of my ability.  If that means staying with the 
family and also with my daughter, or moving on to other experiences, then so 
be it.  But I do not feel its right, or even God’s will to say, I need to 
follow this way, or I need to follow that way.

Nebadonia:  Here, My son, we are in complete agreement.  Following God’s way 
is struggling and striving for this clarity in understanding oneself and 
other people, and it’s choosing the dedication to follow God’s will, no 
mater what the decision; and this is what you just said.  This why neither 
Michael nor Myself can tell you what to do, out of love for your true 
spiritual growth.  The decision will be yours, and so must be the 
determination to continue to feel for God’s will - before, during, and after 
the decision.

This is the eternal quest for the Father and I congratulate your wanting to 
embrace it now.  Cling to that determination, never let that go.  That is 
your compass, and as long as you also stay true to this ideal of selfless 
openness to others, you will be doing the right thing.  It’s a challenge, 
but it’s also the way forward.  Rest in these considerations a while.  And 
be in My love.

Student:  Thank You very much.

Nebadonia:  And so a new year comes hurtling at us.  Here it comes, ready or 
not.  What I have offered you tonight, My children, is a way to embrace it.  
I’ve teased you with the notion that it truly is your friend - this thing we 
call time.  You have an eternity of it to look forward to.  That can be a 
hell of boredom and repetition, or a heaven of real challenge - an 
impenetrable moment by moment feeling your way along, feeling for our 
Universal Father and His way, expanding and never repeating itself.  This is 
His continuous creation and here it comes, ready or not.  Can you see the 
light of love within this?

Rest now in My love and you will be ready.  Good evening.