[tmtranscripts] Nebadonia 4.11.05

[JERRY LANE]

Dear Folks,    Here's the next one - enjoy.  Jerry

Nebadonia 4.11.05

Marin TM Group

Dear Michael and Mother Spirit,    Thank You for Your Presence in our lives, 
reminding us of this dimension of spirit.  We thank You too for Your words 
we can read over and over as part of our daily meditations and so, enjoy 
once again Your viewpoint on our human condition - ever hopeful and full of 
joy, ever certain of us and our love for You, now we know who You are.  
Amen.

Good evening, My stalwart and loyal children.  I do appreciate the value you 
give to these meetings and to your increasing ability to feel My presence, 
both on these Monday nights and in your day to day lives.  By now you should 
be able to feel Michael’s and My presence any time you wish to tune in to 
Us.  This is a subtle thing, this realm of spirit we share together.  Even 
though it can become more and more distinct and even surprising in its 
intensity, sometimes - for you do not always know why it fluctuates so - so 
too you may find it hard to say exactly when this awareness of Our presence 
began.  For We were always here.

Tonight I would like you to think of your Father fragment - the living 
presence of God in your minds - in much the same way, for He has also been 
with you going back to your very earliest memories of three or four years 
old, trundling along on your little legs, looking up in wonder and awe at 
the enormous world about you.  He’s so much a part of you, His guidance and 
direction so much a part of your lives, that He is the mysterious missing 
link.  If you look back and wonder what it was at this juncture and parting 
of the ways, or that decision which led to another new adventure, He was so 
often this influence and the connection which has tied your life together, 
part of the motivating force that got you to where you are today.

There is still, for most of you, somewhat of a separation between your 
self-aware consciousness - your perception of yourself - and your souls.  
Indeed you can look forward with an expectation of unimaginable joy and 
delight when you encounter this enormity of yourselves on the Mansion 
Worlds.  This contact will be so much easier then for the sensitivity of the 
discreet bodies you will inhabit, plus the whole Morontia organization of 
plant and animal life which will then be surrounding you, the lower forms of 
angelic personalities you will immediately be able to perceive, and the 
marvel of each others’ natures as you become so much more spiritually 
transparent to one another.  All of these factors, along with an increased 
ability to perceive Michael and I, will help you contact the enormity of 
your souls and their co-creator Who lives in you now - with all His creative 
abilities.  Michael and I, and your Urantia Book delineate so much of this 
Morontia phase not to tease you to exasperation, or give you any desire to 
prematurely cross over to that shore, but so you can realize just how much 
of this soulful reality already exists in your earthly life.

I will offer you a spiritual exercise.  Some morning, say tomorrow, when you 
wake up, pretend to yourself as sincerely as you can that you have died and 
are reawakening on Mansion World number one.  Look around in wonder, then 
meditate awhile and practice some of the exercises We have given you to feel 
your bodies anew as enormous, without inner spatial limitations, so your 
appreciation of all this still mysterious, squirming life within you can 
allow you to grasp the fact that, physically, you are even now nothing but a 
persisting pattern of energy.  For this is true.  Your own understanding of 
molecular and atomic reality informs you it is so.  And just Who do you 
think created and evolved this pattern that you are?

What is this persistence of the pattern?  Can you appreciate the tenacity of 
this pattern as it persists and will persist through all the evolution in 
store for you across the endless millennia to come in your lives?  It is not 
for nothing We say you are already part of the divine Deity Absolute.  
Though just beginning, just starting out, you partake of absolute reality in 
the very fact of your existence.  You are this persistent, evolving cosmic 
reality and, in this sense, these oh so fleeting and ephemeral-seeming 
experiences you have will outlast the planet you are walking around on, the 
sun you see coming up in the morning.  Ironically, Urantia and its sun will 
live on in you long after they have ceased to exist themselves.

Yes, My children, We are very certain of you.  A great part of Our delight 
is seeing the surprise with which you discover yourselves.  And so We wish 
to share - with you - as much of this assurance We have - of you.  While at 
the same time We know it is your own deepest need to earn this assurance for 
yourselves, step by step, one day’s experience at a time.  So never feel 
belittled or small or impatient by Our assurance of this enormous potential 
you have.

Rather, never fear to rest to let the momentum you have sometimes thought 
you needed to build up - to carry you along day to day - never fear to let 
this momentum come to a stop.  You have an ability to re-birth yourselves, 
of waking up in the morning and pretending for the sheer delight of it you 
have died overnight and are just sitting there marveling at what surrounds 
you, and starting out fresh all over again.  This is your beginners mind.  
This is your spiritual ability to reassess your life and help your values 
evolve - based on an ever growing soul.

Think what a marvel it is that a fragment of God himself is keeping the 
journal of your experience.  He is so close to you, and so much a part this 
life you have known all these years, it’s hard to distinguish Him as a 
separate entity.  For this very reason you, as a personality, do not have to 
struggle to maintain your true past.  Rather, We would have you question and 
analyze this momentum you feel you need to carry you along.  How much of it 
is based on anxiety, or a fear of not keeping up with someone else’s notions 
of who you should be, or your own previous and already outdated notions of 
what today’s life should be?  Just as We have asked you to ask yourselves 
before: Who is doing the pushing?  What is the cost of this in impatience, 
or anxiety, or the loss of perceiving who you are in your completeness - 
this persistent personality experiencing and growing, just beginning your 
eternal journey.

A reflection on the constant enormity surrounding you, within and without, 
and realizing all your fellow human beings live their lives too in this 
fundamentally unfathomable reality, is what can give you that saving grace 
of affection for yourself and each other.  How can you not love each other 
when you perceive the tenacity with which you all struggle so hard to 
realize – to make real for yourselves - this profound mystery constantly 
coming at you?  So enjoy how much of this affection comes from Us as your 
loving parents, and how so much too this is generated right within your own 
heart.  This is really what holds human society together - and it too is 
growing. The recognition of this affection, this supreme love across all the 
minor divisions of the human race, is growing as never before.  So when you 
awake each morning, We invite you to look around with open hearts and share 
in this blossoming springtime on Urantia.

If you have any questions or comments this evening, let us share them 
together.

Student:  Mother, How can I experience You, Michael, and my Father fragment 
more on a daily basis?  Maybe more each day - that I am able to experience 
and recognize for what it is.

Nebadonia:  Yes, C, part of the irony of your human situation is that you do 
not realize that your very desire to contact Us is so much of the contact 
itself.  So credit this yearning you have which comes, not from any training 
you have undergone, or religious dogma you’ve been indoctrinated in, but 
rather from a sincere desire to get beyond any such automatic knee-jerk 
kinds of reaction, into Our realm of spontaneity and creativity and love.  
Think of it this way: you are most able to perceive and enjoy Us when you 
are consciously sharing Our nature with Us.

Do you remember My invitation to actually try to imagine something new, to 
exercise your spiritual power to create a new possibility for yourself, and 
then experience what it’s like to go out and do it?

Student: Yes, I remember, but I don’t think I’m able to do it.

Nebadonia: Well, perhaps you’re too ambitious.  You’re thinking of something 
too grandiose.  What I mean by this is to try even…something small, some 
little two- or three-hour project within your freedom of movement.  It 
doesn’t have to take the whole day, or days on end.

Michael and I have been trying Our best to convey to you the nature of real 
freedom, that you experience only by doing it.  You can’t just think about 
it.  This is a delight you have to earn, simply because this is its nature; 
plus - you are capable of it.  Have you spent much time deliberately 
meditating on what you might do in, say, the next few hours, even if it’s 
something as simple as taking a walk in some part of town you’ve not been in 
before?

Student: No, I hadn’t thought of something that simple.  It seemed like 
something way beyond what I could do.  But I can do that easily.

Nebadonia:  Yes, this is why We suggest starting small – maybe some little 
hobby you’ve always felt you never had enough time for, or maybe you’ve felt 
you are too late in your life to begin something new, and have forgotten you 
are just starting in eternity, My son.

Student:  That makes a great deal of sense to me, put that way.  I keep 
thinking I’m near the end, but it’s only the beginning.

Nebadonia:  Exactly.  You are now face to face with your own self-limiting 
notions.

Student:  Yes, but how do I get rid of these self-limiting notions?  Because 
I self-limit myself quite a bit.

Nebadonia:  This is easiest done by seeing them as continuing patterns from 
the past which can fill up your whole inner self.  But they can be arrested 
by providing something else to take their place.  Tomorrow go out and start 
walking through some new reality, which is one reason people like to go 
travelling to new places and meet people in a whole different encompassing 
of plants and animals and smells and climates; this is one easy and popular 
way of stepping into a new world.

Student;  Yes, I see that.

Nebadonia:  So start small with time-of-day habits: in the evenings turn off 
the TV and go for a walk or a drive or a visit or a project – anything novel 
to get some feedback.  In so many areas you have already thoroughly chewed 
over your past life.  Catharsis is good by reliving parts of your past and 
being healed, but there comes a time when you have handled these old objects 
enough, and all the vast analytical powers of your mind need something new 
to work with.  Don’t forget other people – the kind you call strangers.  
Much of your over-familiarity is with the people you’ve known for a long 
time, so it’s good to go out and meet new folks.

You can respond afresh to familiar things; but at this stage of your getting 
started again, most easily to fresh situations.  I encourage you to read and 
reread the lessons on freedom and creativity to thoroughly understand the 
dynamics involved, and point yourself in the right direction.  Believe Me, 
My son, you will know when you have stepped over that line.  This takes 
nerve - so be not afraid. This is what you are looking for.  This is what 
your own inner wisdom tells you you need.  This is the new food for your 
soul.  This is why We ask you to see it as a real adventure – to be honest 
with yourself.

Student:  Thank You very much, Mother.  This is something I have not done – 
I have not been doing.  I can see how rereading some of the lessons will 
actually be a new thing for me – if I don’t know them all that well.

Nebadonia:  Yes – take another walk in Our neighborhood for awhile.  
(Laughter)  Then go out and walk some in a new physical world too.  And be 
in My love.

Student:  Yes, Mother, the context of what You have said tonight makes so 
much of our lives so trivial, and at times arduous – or…unnecessary because 
of societal points of view of what needs to be done.  Today I was thinking 
about God knowing what we need before we do.  But if we are - in His eyes - 
already complete, there are no needs.  I had a hard time with that idea.  
It’s like my whole body couldn’t accept that.  I moved on to something else, 
but I did write it in my journal.

It just seems like so much of what we allow ourselves to experience – things 
we have to do, or think we have to do because society says we have to – how 
it has to be: but it doesn’t have to be that way.  There’s another whole way 
to live, to expand beyond the boundaries of my physical being – that You 
expressed tonight.  It’s hard because there’s that tinge of nostalgia that 
comes over me – that bubble of familiarity You speak of so often – it’s hard 
to let go of, and sometimes it’s nice to fall back into.  But then…that’s 
boring!  It doesn’t add to my life, or excite me anymore.  I’ve actually 
been experiencing boredom the last couple of days, and this is rare for me.  
So I was wondering today, if God created us in His image, what was His 
initial intent of how we were to live on this planet?  How were we supposed 
to spend our days?

Nebadonia:  Well, My son, again I must confess how tickled I am to see your 
increasing ability to stay on the very tipping point of your personal 
moments, and feel all these subtle little tugs pulling you this way and 
that, yet sometimes missing the irony that your answer is articulated right 
within how you think of the problem.

One of the reasons We ask you to read and reread these lessons over and over 
is so you can realize that what you may be thinking of as mutually exclusive 
things are actually two living aspects of a single, albeit complex reality.  
For example, completeness and need are not mutually exclusive.  We say you 
are complete because you are an absolute reality in the very fact of your 
existence.  You absolutely are, completely here in a profound way that few 
human beings can appreciate or realize fully.  We assure you of this because 
many people live in anxious dread, not of death and rebirth, but of 
annihilation, feeling their very existence to be problematic.  So when We 
say you are not only complete, but capable and needful of growing, you may 
wonder with a false, purely-material analogy: how can you add to something 
which is already complete?  But this is the nature of time and God and all 
that He creates – all the living personal beings, and the physical cosmos 
itself.  All this has an absolute and complete reality in Him, and - it is 
All growing.  You feel this personally as a pressure to grow, to create your 
way out of being stuck in inertia or boredom.  As We have said, this was 
given you as part of your nature, not to plague or harass you, but to enable 
you to grow.  You need good nutrition for your bodies, new concepts and 
realizations to keep your intellect and understanding growing, spiritual 
rest and nourishment to keep your values evolving; while a fragment of God 
himself is keeping a record of all of this happening.

Yes, God knows what you need before you do, and is working with you to 
provide this, but while an intellectual idea of what you need can be 
instantaneous, the fulfillment of that need may take time.  Some of your 
immediate physical needs require your planning and day to day work so you 
can exchange your thinking power and labor for food and shelter, 
transportation and clothing.  Spiritually you will always have the necessity 
to reevaluate all the living aspects of your life. This might seem like a 
cruel irony – that the more you are capable of feeling how alive you are, 
the more you will also feel this need for more life.  Yet if this were not 
so, and it is not for some of your fellows, how deadly bored and short- and 
shallow-lived you might be.  This is why We encourage you to stop and rest, 
however momentarily, then exercise your increasing ability to begin again.  
For this is how you slough off the old callused skin of unnecessary habits.  
Of course! - you will reemerge ever more tender and sensitive, ever needful 
of these abilities to rebirth yourself yet again, and again.  Get used to 
it.  Realize the marvel that there is no end to this.  You will never 
outgrow your need to grow further – ever.  Welcome to Our nature.  Welcome 
to what Jesus experienced in His human life.  Just keep going, My son.  Even 
your phases of painful boredom have their purpose.  These are spiritual 
evaluations.  This is why it takes courage to feel, and faith to see the 
wisdom in the need to feel.

Student:  I guess, Mother…a few thoughts.  I guess it’s like an art-form to 
feel this life even during the most mundane activities.  I guess my idea of 
need contains the ideas of wanting and desiring, and they all get mixed in 
together.  When I am in those moments of boredom, is it better to be in that 
place and see what is going on within me, or around me, or to, like maybe, 
better to meditate or be in stillness?  Or do nothing at all?

Nebadonia:  Again I would say: all of the above, at different times.  This 
is not something you can know beforehand.  So We point to a spiritual 
quality of decisiveness, an ability to take control of your life and make 
decisions – truly right in the situation.  At times it may be better to feel 
the full intensity of boredom in order to have this self-motivation devise 
make specific recommendations.  This takes a decision: Yes, I will feel this 
terrible, intrinsically painful thing called boredom so it can inform me how 
I got here – what precisely is boring in my life, and what might I create to 
supplant it?

Student:  Isn’t that the key right there?

Nebadonia:  This is the need to create your way forward, not only in the 
middle of a problem, but also at leisure - when circumstances – internal and 
external – are not demanding you go this way or that.  Will you do the 
same-old thing, or will you seize the moment and enjoy your freedom by doing 
something decisive?  At these moments you may realize a oneness of need and 
desire.  What your heart desires may be what you need – or not.  This is yet 
another decision which you need all your hard-earned wisdom to influence.

In this you have My Holy Spirit adjutants of worship and wisdom to assist 
you.  So feel Me and Michael’s Spirit of Truth in a process of stillness - 
to relax and open - arresting the same-old habits from the past which offer 
to carry you along and kill time, so you can spiritually wonder anew: What 
do I want to do?  What do I need to do?  If this suggests that so much of 
human activity on Urantia would best come to a crashing halt, to be 
reevaluated: yes! - this is the point.  The long evolution of society, as 
delineated in your Urantia Book, is one of expanding this personal, 
individual freedom of creativity - starting with the primitive tribes where 
superstitious taboos and mores rigidly controlled every tiny aspect of 
everyone’s life.

You ask about God’s plan.  From a human standpoint, temporal reality is 
complex – both actual and potential: so it contains His seemingly double 
nature of: no plan at all in the fulfilled completeness of His spontaneously 
created present moment – the eternal Now that actually is; yet which also 
contains an increasing potential – His plan if you will - for more future 
growth – His sharing reality with an increasing number of His children. This 
sharing is the essence of what We mean by the word divine.  So if you could 
decide to share your life even more with your brothers and sisters, I think 
you will find a fulfillment that makes His plan obvious.  This is the 
affection, the wonderful love that is the very soul of the Supreme Being, 
that you are capable of feeling and sharing too.  It is how one and one 
makes three, for He will be there with you two.  And this above all, My son, 
is how you can feel Me as well.

Do you have any more questions or comments this evening?

Student: I think I’ve got quite enough for tonight!  (Laughter)

Nebadonia:  Then let us say, Amen - let it be so.  Come visit with Me here 
in these words…often.  Let Me renew you.  Let Me challenge your concepts.  
Let Me tickle your imagination.  Feel My appreciation for the nerve it takes 
for you to keep growing.  Deeply, deeply trust your Father’s wisdom in 
creating the overall situation that requires you to use your nerve.  You 
need faith to make the full potential in your natures come to life.  So be 
in My love.