[tmtranscripts] Nebadonia 12.12.05

[JERRY LANE]

Dear Folks,    Here's Mother Spirit at Her most lighthearted and playful 
(with us) so far.  The delight She says She and Michael feel with us is just 
infectious.  It's like a dose of freedom from worry and fear right 
here-and-now, with all the intimations of what She promises to come.  Enjoy! 
  Jerry.

Nebadonia December 12, 2005

Marin TM Group—Mill Valley, California—U.S.A.

NEBADONIA—T/R-JL

(The reality of spirit)
(Human complexity)
(Being lost, and the power of play)
(Spiritual fatigue, and being still)
(The essence of play: your Guardian Angel)
(Self denial of fun)
(Guilt)
(In-here and out-there)

Dear Mother Spirit and Michael,   Mother, tonight we would like to celebrate 
Your contribution to life on Urantia, by recalling it was Your breath that 
breathed the spark of life into the as-yet inert protoplasm assembled by 
Your Life Carrier Sons. Then it was the active guidance of Your Adjutants of 
Mind/Spirit, daughter of the Infinite Spirit, that gave direction to the 
evolution of life over those millions and millions of years.  And as each of 
us individually recapitulates evolution, it is these self-same dimensions of 
Your mind that provide the differential urge for our minds to mature, to 
grow in intuition, knowledge, understanding, courage, curiosity, 
companionship, worship, and wisdom.  And so we thank You most humbly.  Amen.

NEBADONIA:  My dear sons, this is your Mother, Nebadonia.  Let Me reply and 
say, you’re most welcome!  Michael and I often use the word delight, for 
that is the closest English approximation to your effect on Us.  You are a 
small beacon of spiritual light glowing in Our firmament; you are all so 
many individual stars, each with your own spiritual radiance bursting out, 
glowing, right from God’s original creation that was, and continues to 
become, you.  We marvel at this gift of our Father’s, both your 
personality—unique in all creation—and then, like a double-star, the 
fragment of our Father that comes indwell your mind and be your closest of 
companions all through your human life, looking forward to the day when the 
two of you become one single being of eternal life.  This is as perceptible 
to Us and to Our celestial children as physical light is to your human eyes.

(The reality of spirit)

So much of our effort through these lessons has been trying to give you from 
as many different angles and viewpoints as We can, the reality of spirit.  
Because We know for many of you it is so transparent, so much a part of your 
life, that you entertain notions it does not even exist.  What you are 
learning is that spirit is not a realm apart to itself.  It is the 
originator, the instigator and the pattern of the material universe.  The 
material realm, created by God, shows His perfection in following near 
absolute laws of mathematical rigidity.  And though you cannot observe all 
of these laws from your circumscribed solar position in the cosmos, still 
they are fairly uniform throughout all existence.  Matter/energy is pretty 
much the same and follows the same laws of causality.  And so once 
materialization reaches the point of responding to local or linear gravity, 
its permutations can be foreseen and exactly predicted.

Spirit is very contra-distinct from this in being creative--very literally, 
something new bursting into time and space—new patterns, new combinations, 
wholly original creations of your human personality.  Worked out through the 
mediation of your mind, and use of your physical body, they result in those 
creations you call art.  But even more thoroughly as you go through your day 
to day routines, We’ve informed you there is a constant creativity going on, 
involved in your perception of reality.  You are co-creating what you 
experience as the world by interpreting all the hundreds of thousands of 
bits pouring into your sense-organs every moment, interpreting them and 
creating from all these, the single phenomena you know as your life.  This 
is the power of spirit, the spirit which is an intrinsic part of your 
personality, that you are imbued with from God.  This is why We say you can 
think of yourselves as little nodules, little focal points of God out here 
in time and space, set free by Him to experience your unique life--for 
yourself and for Him; and for Michael and I.

This is the family you are part of.  We are your most direct spiritual 
parents; God is a father to us all.  Then too there is the Second Person of 
Deity, the Eternal Son, the first derived Person, who contacts and 
experiences us all through His realm of Spirit.  The Third Person of Deity, 
the Infinite Spirit, creates and promulgates the Cosmic Mind, which I, as a 
daughter, funnel down to you so that through Me, you enjoy and use the human 
kind of mind.  Just think!  All this implies there are many kinds of mind, 
many dimensions, many levels--from the planetary, to the System, to the 
Constellation, to the Local Universe; then out into the galaxy and the 
Cosmic Mind.  Beyond time and space there is the mind and the presence of 
the Infinite Spirit in the Central Universe, and on Paradise.

It is the same with Spirit.  Each of you possesses spirit.  It is part of 
you.  It is part of everything you have known your whole life.  If it 
appears invisible to you it is because it works so well.  It is for many 
people indistinguishable from their powers of mind, and We realize how 
strange it must seem for you to realize that what you have always known as 
your own mind—your thinking, your reasoning, your memory, your association, 
your understanding, your feelings of thankfulness—these are all partly Me.  
I’m part of your thoughts, part of your very ability to think, and reason, 
and perceive, to associate and understand, to be curious.  You’re 
intrinsically minded as a personality, yet these are extra-material 
dimensions of My own that act as transformers to augment and increase your 
own abilities.  As you progress onward from being a human being, you will 
outgrow these Adjutants of Mind/Spirit and slowly, gradually transfer over 
to the reception and the use of the Cosmic Mind of the Infinite Spirit.

Once you achieve a Morontia body in the next phase of your life, the 
material—if you wish to think of it as such--you will be composed of is of 
such a subtle nature that the spiritual part of your life is much more 
obvious.  What We call Morontia mota, or laws of the Morontia 
realm—spiritual laws—will also become more obvious.   More and more the laws 
of spirit become very much like the physics and chemical axioms that you 
learned in high school and college.  They will be that apparent, and capable 
of being understood.  You already have a toe in this realm.  You are already 
partly Morontia beings, and this is your soul.  This is the spiritual record 
of your experiences.  This is being…not exactly recorded, for it goes deeper 
than that.  Your Thought Adjuster is a pre-personal fragment of God that 
literally takes on your experience, and, being pure spirit, experiences you 
and your life from God’s perspective.

(Human complexity)

Are you feeling very complex about now?  (laughter)  Well, that’s because 
you are.  A human is this combination of impersonal material that follows 
its own chemical and physical laws, with a physical brain that begins 
capable of thought of an animal nature.  At a certain stage of evolution, 
planetary and individual, human beings transcend the mere animal level of 
life and become receptive to My Adjutants of worship and wisdom, and take on 
these extra dimensions of self-awareness, the ability to reflect and be 
thankful.  So as a personality develops its spiritual powers of creativity, 
they get to the point, generally about five years old, where they are 
capable of making their first, genuine free-will decision.  They have just 
stepped out of relative cause and effect—however alive and 
reflexively-responsive--and become creative to the point where they have a 
choice.  Their own being can come up with a unique alternative to everything 
else composing or surrounding  them.  At that instant, a fragment of God 
appears within their mind.

The basic function of the human type of personality is to unite these 
somewhat disparate elements.  As all of you who have struggled to achieve 
unity within yourselves know, these different elements can be pulling in 
very contrary, opposite directions from each other.  Because of the Lucifer 
Rebellion there was a thwarting of very Divine plans for the establishment 
and evolution of a world-wide culture--where eventually every child would be 
born to parents you could think of as pure saints.  Imagine what kind of a 
world that would be.  Urantia, having the history it has had, has only 
served to exacerbate the normal differences between the more physical urges 
and the higher spiritual ideals, until you often feel rightfully torn by 
these conflicting desires.

But as Michael said last week, nothing you are composed of, or have ever 
experienced , was or is now superfluous.  We invite you to realize, in 
everything of your past or your present life, the meaning within even the 
most contentious or self-destructive moments.  Remember, My children, you 
started from zero experience.  Acquired cultural maturity is passed on from 
generation to generation.  It is not something you arrive at fully mature as 
an angel or other Celestial being.   Every human child starts anew.  Even 
under the best circumstances he or she takes many, many years to achieve the 
culture of his or her parents; and then, hopefully, evolves the whole 
society one step further in their own life.  This is what We see in your 
soul.  We see the enormous amount of struggle that you have alternately 
enjoyed and suffered, and then forgotten for the most part.  You’ve 
forgotten all those thousands of days as a child, as an adolescent, and how 
what you take for granted now, and has become unconscious; every little step 
had to be tried and learned.  If you could only see how enormous your souls 
are.  And so We tease you with the very real fact that some day you will.  
This is the true glory of the Morontia life, something you will remember for 
all eternity—those first days of encountering your own soul, and your 
Thought Adjuster—your faithful companion who has been so much a part of your 
life already.  Imagine, My children, along with being able to see the lower 
forms of the angels, being able to see so much of each others’ souls too.

This is the glory that awaits you, yet can be yours at least partly now, as 
soon as you are able to see each other this way.  It is not so much a doing 
as a not-doing; not so much as looking in a certain way, as relaxing 
inwardly with the self confidence to see; not so much listening intently to 
where your own intention gets in the way, but opening yourself with the 
courage to hear what another has to offer.  This is so subtle, even so 
ironic, that We can’t point at it any other way except to suggest you tune 
in to a qualitative enhancement of your perceptions, and trust this, follow 
where this leads.  You will know you are on the right path when the people 
in your life seem to emerge more and more, and get a greater and greater 
qualitative depth to their being.

This is that success that actually supplants faith and patience, and is a 
reward in itself.  This is the spiritual growth of beauty, and truth, and 
goodness, and the glory that you will be co-creating it by projecting it out 
there as love and trust.  Does this sound like something you might like to 
be involved in?  (All: Yes)

You are fortunate, My sons.  Most of this is, and has been now, coming true 
for you.  So Michael and I thank you for the courage to try Our suggestions, 
to cherish Our insights, and be game for the adventure.  Indeed you are a 
very composite, complex kind of being, and Our only wish would be that you 
could enjoy it, ever more.  Some day you will have the rather ironic 
appreciation of how blessed it is to start at the very bottom of personal 
existence, lower even than the angels, yet being the kind of being who has 
had a hand, you own personal hand, in every step, and stage, and phase of 
your own evolution toward pure spirit.

But I tease you enough with what is to come.  If you have any questions or 
comments this evening, that is something we can do right now.

Student:  Mother, is there any guidance or suggestions about how to run my 
life—what to do in my life?  I seem to get lost every now and again.

(Being lost, and the power of play)

NEBADONIA:  My son, I would want you to ask yourself, looking back on these 
periods of being lost, and reflecting on them, if you can see by this 
reflection what was happening.  Perhaps for a period of time you more or 
less went into neutral, or completely stalled out and simply had to wait 
until something came along.  Sometimes you go beyond your projected plans, 
either through success--by fulfilling some ideal, something you had imagined 
doing--or through what you call failure--some heart-felt project utterly 
collapsing and leaving you sitting there in the ruins of your once so sweet 
dreams.

I give you this viewpoint to see your life more organically, not as some 
railroad engine on a track—however perfectly straight or gracefully curved; 
gliding along the lowlands or powerfully climbing into the mountains--but 
still mechanical.  Think first of an organic entity—plant or animal—whatever 
you feel like envisioning: something subject to seasons.  But immediately we 
have to skip the plants and the animals and the seasons of the earth, and 
look at the seasons of your soul.  If you remember, we  did this once 
before, and talked about a Springtime of new ideas, a Summer of growth, a 
Fall of reaping the harvest; then here comes the Winter.  For this is 
unavoidable on all three levels of your being—physical, mental, and 
spiritual.  What you described as being lost might well be the spiritual 
fatigue you encounter from time to time.  Spiritual energy is real.  You 
absorb it from so many sources, too many to mention right now, but you use 
it up, and so the value seems to go, not entirely out of your life, but 
certainly diminishing for awhile.  Bereft of value, you are truly lost.  
What a saving grace it is to recognize these moments, for you have all had 
various series of these through your life, if you can recall.  But you can 
recognize them as such, and think, I’m now in a spiritual slump!  OK!

Here is the knack, now, to not compound being lost by over-worrying about 
it, having worry on top of everything else, tearing and abrading at yourself 
to get going.  It is a question of wisdom, C, because it is 
counter-intuitive, that when you are lost, the best thing to do is to enjoy 
it.  (chuckle)  You chuckle because you realize immediately this takes some 
nerve.  (Yeah!)  But what you might need most of all…  Are you ready?  
(Yes!)  What you might need most of all, My son, is to play.  If you recall; 
remember what you‘ve read about the Reversion Directors, the Celestial hosts 
who welcome you on the Mansion Worlds and teach you how to play by reverting 
to some previous, more youthful phase of your life?  This is how you recoup 
spirit.  Do something frivolous.  Pick up some hobby you might have had as a 
teenager.  If you’re a craftsman, just play with your tools for awhile—get 
them out and look at them, maybe clean them up.  Do you see how this is 
counter-intuitive for so many?  When they are in these spiritual doldrums, 
and value seems to be slipping away, they go into a kind of panic and worry 
and struggle all the harder to grasp what only runs away the more you grasp 
at it.  You need to let go.  You need to take a break.  You need to play.  
Look life right in the eye and say: OK, I’m wise now to the way you operate. 
  I’m going to take a break and have some fun.  And I trust you’ll come up 
with something--or help me come up with something.

For after all, this is life itself.  You have to remember: you are not 
keeping your own heart beating.  Does this help you, My son?

Student:  Yes, it’s very clear.  The period when I was stumped, I recognize 
now as that…being stuck, or being in neutral, being stuck in gear, stuck out 
of gear, stuck in the mud: and it’s not like that.  I recognize now that 
they’re not permanent, because they do go away after awhile, I do get back 
on track.  And I recognize that I’m not lost in the spiritual sense, because 
that’s always there, the direction is always there.  It’s just, it seems 
like all of a sudden I recognize I’m not doing anything that I think I 
should be doing.  And I recognize now that most of it, I’m doing it anyway.  
I am doing what I should be doing.  That’s the best I can put it.

(Spiritual fatigue, and being still)

NEBADONIA:  Keep in mind, My son, that your spirit every now and then senses 
the need for a change in direction.  Perhaps something that was spiritually 
sustaining has suddenly run out--you can exhaust a certain lifestyle.  
Sometimes your companions around you change.  And so you can be truly lost 
for awhile.  Your spirit can be so fatigued, you loose value.  This just 
signals a pause to be open and curious, be still while you cast about for 
the next, best direction to head off into.  And this may not come for 
awhile.  But you don’t want to be desperately dashing off helter-skelter in 
just any old direction.  You want to play, and renew yourself, and wait for 
the right direction to show itself.

One example of this is very familiar to you all: falling in love on the 
rebound. (laughter of recognition)  You loose a loving companion, and before 
you regain who you are, by yourself, you grasp at another companion, perhaps 
too soon.  These are times when your playing can bring you back to yourself; 
it restores your spirit.  The Reversion Directors direct you to a reverting, 
only very consciously now.  You’re not regressing, you’re very consciously 
deciding to pick up that guitar you put away five years ago.  In other 
words, you don’t want get too serious in your playing.  Just make it 
genuine: let’s have fun.

Student:  Thank You, Mother.  I’m giving up desperation and worry about any 
being stuck.  It looks like the new challenge is: sincere play.

NEBADONIA:  Yes, My son, that is not an oxymoron—sincere, genuine 
fun--light-hearted and purposeless--doing something just for itself.  So, 
good luck!  (laughter)  Have fun!  (Thank You, Mother.)  You’re very 
welcome; and be in My Love.

Student:  Dear Nebadonia, I would ask you to help me to be more aware of my 
Guardian Angel over these next few days, and really, from now on, help me to 
be more serviceable, and lighthearted in my future struggles.  Thank You.

(The essence of play: your Guardian Angel)

NEBADONIA:  Well V, you can take what I told C to a twenty-four hour basis.  
What wait to get lost?  It’s always nice to use your wisdom first, to set 
aside part of your day to allow for spontaneous play.  Try to come up with 
something new rather than just falling into the habit of old entertainment.  
The spirit is so refreshed in being creative in little ways--little playful 
ways.

I’ll let you in on an open secret that I intuit a lot of you already know.  
You don’t want to draw too sharp a line between work and play.  Go to your 
work each day with the spirit, what has God given me to play with today?  
And note too, that for many, the deepest, most satisfying playtimes might 
appear to someone else to be very serious.

So the essence of play is, that which is fulfilling in itself.  It’s not 
that it has no purpose, but that its purpose is itself.  Your not going 
somewhere so much as you are constantly arriving: an enhancement of now.  
So, keeping in mind that you’re not going to draw any sharp line between 
work and play, all the same, be aware of and appreciate those times that you 
have provided for your leisure.  Some folks fall into such habits of fun, 
largely what you call entertainment--in which you are more or less inactive, 
passive.  I think the term you use is couch-potato.  Be aware of how much 
time this takes up in your life, for this can be a very deadening kind of 
habit.  Any relapse into this kind of dull consciousness is only a greater 
spiritual drain, and not invigorating at all.

So V, in your coming days, heading off into this new adventure now, see if 
you can conscientiously find and recognize those moments when you can have 
fun, when you can enjoy your leisure.  Does this help?

Student:  Yes, Mother Spirit, and I would also ask to be more aware of my 
Guardian Angel.  I understand that’s one way to be more in tune with my 
Guardians, is to be lighthearted.  Is that correct?

NEBADONIA:  Yes, very much so!  It is something She enjoys.  Your Guardian 
Angel shares My Viewpoint that this lightheartedness is so nourishing to 
your spirit.  There’s something unique in creativity, and playfulness, a 
kind of moment to moment triumph that feeds your stressed-out soul at times. 
  This is what She truly loves to see you engaged in.

She’s not easy to communicate with, in the verbal sense, but She appreciates 
very much any thoughts, any conversation you care to send Her way.  Her 
response will be mostly felt as emotional.  This is more Her language that 
She shares with you, as She seeks to augment and intensify these triumphs of 
creativity and fun.  Just as I am part of your mind, She is part of these 
moments that teach you what really works--and has eternal import.  This is 
Her domain; this is what She guards.  So send Her a smile every now and 
then, and a heartfelt, thank-You!  (I will, I am!--laughs)  And be in My 
Love.  (Thank You)

Student:  Yes, Mother, the idea of playfulness.  Unfortunately in my 
household, my playfulness does not get looked upon with any favor.  But I am 
playful with my daughter, and I try to be playful with others, but they have 
a hard time being playful, or even having fun.  But I remember on 
Thanksgiving weekend when my son was down, and we went to play basketball, 
we were playing and something happened within me where I just couldn’t stop 
laughing.  And I was laughing, and it wasn’t like a hysterical kind of 
laughing, it was just laughing from within my being….?  Something different. 
  And it was real refreshing and healing.  And I realized how much weight I 
had been carrying from being around people who are not playful.  But it was 
so releasing to experience that.  And I can see the importance of allowing 
that to happen, because sometimes we can get so caught up in this spiritual 
work that we forget to have spiritual fun.  And having the balance of both 
is so important, I do try to reiterate that with the people in my life--that 
I get as much pleasure sitting in the park with the sun on my face, and 
watching geese fly before my eyes, or watching two butterflies dance in 
front of me.  That’s my fun!  That’s my release!  And so, its so important 
for me, and for others, and I wish the people in the circle of my life could 
appreciate that as well.

(Self denial of fun)

NEBADONIA:  Yes D, it’s both interesting and sad to try to understand the 
various mechanisms by which people deny themselves this joy of living--with 
themselves, by creating and playing within themselves; or in watching those 
two butterflies and noticing how much joy and playfulness there is in God’s 
creativity.  This is especially so in the animal kingdom around mating time. 
  When you see an animal making an absolute fool of himself, going into the 
most outrageously silly dance, you know there is courting going on.

And so you wonder, why is it that people deliberately, or only somewhat 
consciously, deny themselves this?  Perhaps because their spiritual 
part--their playful part in there--knows and suggests they should be 
playful, they feel guilty for not knowing how.  Or they feel they must pay 
some kind of spiritual penance for the way they are living their life.  It’s 
a very delicate subject to go into with respect to another, for it partakes 
of being judgmental.

(Guilt)

But people do prohibit themselves from having fun, largely through various 
forms of guilt, either feeling they are not entitled to fun, or that having 
fun will diminish their motivation to accomplish the very serious things 
they set out to do.  And so they occasionally find themselves in the 
situation C mentioned, of being lost, or depressed, and turning away from 
the one thing that could save them.

This is why Michael and I, and Welmek before us, proposed the radical notion 
of not accepting even the tiniest little bit of guilt.  For guilt is mostly 
a kind of inner self-motivation technique, a way of driving yourself, that 
consumes so much energy very little is left over for what you would do.  It 
is a very deep spiritual wisdom that invites you to not indulge any guilt at 
all.  A moment ago is past.  You exist now!  What you do the next moment can 
be a function of your free will, unimpeded by guilt.  You simply must find a 
better way to do what you know and feel you should do, a better way of doing 
what your heart tells you is right.  You do not need an excuse to play.  You 
can realize the goodness right within it, and accept this joy that is its 
own excuse for being.

However you may help those around you achieve these insights, will be the 
greatest of blessings for them.  But keep it light!  Teasing is always the 
best way, even if you have to be a bit of a fool yourself.

Student:  I see the looks of disdain already. (laughs)  But what I fasten 
upon too--about the idea of why people don’t have fun, or allow themselves, 
is that they keep their guard up.  In that sense, they don’t feel secure 
within themselves to be vulnerable, to be a clown, because they are so 
guarded.

NEBADONIA:  This is very true around others, but the shame of it is that, so 
often these individuals cannot have fun with themselves.  They feel guilty 
about indulging some little hobby, simply because it’s frivolous.  People 
can get so goal oriented, and have so many benchmarks they feel they need to 
achieve before they can start having fun, they just keep postponing it.  
Meanwhile, they’re not paying due respect to the fact that having fun, like 
any other activity, is something you need to learn, even if it’s just 
listening to music, or going dancing, or playing ball with other folks, or 
just taking a walk in the woods by yourself.  Many folks arrive at middle 
age and never have the realization they haven’t yet learned how to play.  
It’s so foreign to them.  They’ve spent their whole life so far getting to 
the point where they could play, and never learned how.  I mean this in a 
spiritual sense of leaning how to play, as well as physically and mentally.

You are correct, My son, anything new takes a bit of nerve; and you can only 
help them by being the example.  You may have to be a reversion director 
yourself, and see if they can’t remember something, even if you have to go 
all the way back to playing with dolls in the sandbox.

Student:  And that idea of self-forgetfulness comes to mind.   Thank You.

NEBADONIA:  You’re very welcome.  Keep up the good fight for having fun!  
(laughter)

(In-here and out-there)

Well, My very dear, multifaceted, multi-element kind of beings, I’m happy to 
have you as My children.  Michael and I are blessed to see you whole, to see 
you in your completeness moment to moment, to see the enormity of your souls 
and the glory of your achievements as a very unique nodule of experience God 
created; blessed with self-awareness, and then doubly blessed, at times, 
with self-forgetfulness.  I’ve always enjoyed that saying of a Japanese 
painter, who when asked how he achieved such great art, simply replied that 
he practiced painting his bamboo for many years until he finally became the 
bamboo, and let it paint itself.  Or the archer who suggested you let the 
arrow release itself.  Interesting, is it not--feeling for that demarcation 
between in-here and out-there, between you, your hand, and the brush or the 
arrow?

Will you, won’t you join the dance?  (Yes!)  Let’s go!  And be in My Love.  
(All say, thank You.)  Good evening.


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