[tmtranscripts] Nebadonia 2.13.06

[JERRY LANE]

Nebadonia—February 13, 2006

Marin TM Group—Mill Valley, California—U. S. A.

NEBADONIA—T/R—JL

(Inside and outside—again)
(The soul of time and space)
(The freedom of denial VS the particularity within eternity)
(Your ancient spiritual family)
(I challenge your mind)
(Negative energy: the Lucifer Rebellion)
(The true spiritual wealth of your soul)
(Renewing oneself: His power and self-power)
(Mother Spirit: recapitulated)
(The Lucifer Rebellion’s persisting culture)
(The nature of decision: hindsight and foresight)
(The need for feedback)
(The value of flexibility)

Dear Mother Spirit and Michael,    We thank You for these wonderful lessons 
shining the spiritual light of Your viewpoint on some of our modern 
attitudes. You’ve mentioned the validity and the usefulness of our 
scientific method, where one is required to demonstrate any proposition put 
forth.  You’ve also shown us the limitations of this method and helped us 
rest assured in the reality of our inner experience, much of which can never 
be demonstrated or proven, or even repeated.  So we thank You for this 
loving light.  Amen.

NEBADONIA:  Good evening, boys. This is your mother, Nebadonia.  (latecomer 
arrives)  I’ll say good evening again, My lusty sons. This is your mother, 
Nebadonia.  I enjoyed your rather vigorous conversation just now, for it 
shows you are genuinely spiritually curious about these different aspects of 
your life, and what value you put upon a deep understanding of these 
relationships.  This is definitely the way to go.  You are experiencing how 
your understanding can actually change your reality.  This is that irony of 
finding what you are looking for.  For it’s a kind of a double-finding--of 
finding something, then too that it is actually real.  But it wouldn’t be 
there for you unless you looked for it.

(Inside and outside—again)

Once again we are at that imponderable demarcation between inside and 
outside, between your inner subjective experience and the seemingly purely 
exterior world surrounding you, yet how they both influence and give rise to 
each other.  I think you are beginning to perceive an ever deeper reality.  
We gave this the name once of a chasm of the unknown, like standing on the 
edge of a cliff with nothing but a lot of empty space out in front of you, 
so that as you take each step forward, it’s as if you are stepping off into 
nothing and the ground just magically forms under your foot each step.

We appreciate how scary this vision is, and the courage it takes to perceive 
your life this way, to allow into your consciousness the intimations of all 
you cannot know until it happens.  You just mentioned in your prayer that 
much of your inner life does not repeat itself.  We’ve also pointed out that 
much of the universe does not repeat itself either.  There are the regular 
comings and goings of days and nights, the weeks, the months, the seasons, 
the years.  But each moment is unique.  Each moment has never happened 
before, and the full awareness of this points directly at the amount of the 
future that cannot be known beforehand.  This is due to God’s creativity.

(The soul of time and space)

In a very fundamental way, God does not have to repeat himself.  We’ve 
likened Him to a fountain right out in the middle of the air, the whole 
universe blossoming continuously into now so that, perhaps, you might think 
of it as only roughly half continuing.  The other half is this new 
permutation.  Something is growing here, something is expanding.  You can 
only imagine and feel for a few moments: something expanding forever, 
everywhere: the soul of time and space.

So yes, by all means do rest.  Rest--assured within yourself: this is your 
home, and it was deliberately created this way.  This is the adventure.  
This is the forever newness calling to you: Won’t you come out and play?

(The freedom of denial VS the particularity within eternity)

You are even so free you can deny this, for awhile.  This is part of your 
freedom within yourself.  Your own creativity of imagination is so great, 
you can create your own world that, for awhile at least, can somewhat ignore 
the whole reality about you.  But you’ve all experienced, if only by 
stubbing your toe in the middle of the night, your body is in reality.  It 
obeys very strict physical and biochemical laws, and perhaps now you’ve 
gained wisdom enough to see that this is not a curse, but a blessing.  Even 
what you call old age and death, and other inevitable events, are final, 
unavoidable, irrevocable stamps of reality that give meaning to time.  They 
give particularity to eternity.  Thus each moment can be unique.  This is 
the growing soul of The Supreme Being, just as is yours.

The history of the universe: think about it.  Enjoy the notion for a while.  
For this discovery is also something that awaits you.  But am I being too 
much of a tease here?--(group laughs)--promising you the fulfillment of your 
curiosity as to what exactly did happen at some point back in time?

(Your ancient spiritual family)

The spiritual family you are surrounded with, My children, is ancient beyond 
your imagination.  Some day when you make friends with these neigh eternal 
beings--from your perspective--this too will be part of some now as yet 
unimaginable appreciation: you will slowly be able to perceive their souls. 
Just imagine the soul of a Melchizedek, dating from the early days of our 
Local Universe, some several hundred billion years ago.  This is all real.  
It all exists right now.  This is one meaning of space, that dimension of 
reality that can hold all these billions and billions of personal beings, 
all living their lives right along with you, each and every moment of time.

So We invite you to relax in your busy days, be still, and let your 
attention just go everywhere outward. (pause) This is that marvelous 
contact, marvelous because it is both still and alive.  We are all living in 
the living body of God.  You are surrounded, not only by His presence in the 
presence of the Supreme Being, and Michael and I, but also in that 
unfathomable presence We call the Unqualified Absolute--what you as a human 
being experience most directly as pure potential, possibility.  For as much 
as has gone on before you, My children, the whole universe is always, only 
just beginning.  This is the unfathomable mystery within pure potential: no 
limits whatsoever.

Sometimes you try to get a grip on this reality and think of it somewhat 
correctly as chance, and We appreciate that you do try to respect this 
aspect of reality.  You do acknowledge the limits of your own ability to 
project into the future, to know what is going to happen.  Yet We assure you 
that from the standpoint of the Supreme Being, there is no chance.  God’s 
ultimate reality is neither capricious nor whimsical.  His meaning, His 
relationships are absolute.  They’re just very large.

(I challenge your mind)

I challenge your mind with all these concepts in order to keep returning to 
the singular fact: this is your home.  Reality was deliberately created this 
way, and it was created this way through the purest love.  So when you 
think, sometimes with fear, about those impenetrable mysteries such as 
death, you can rest.  Rest assured that what God creates, He creates from 
infinite love and infinite wisdom.  So feel at home.  Take time out in your 
busy days to rest--ever so consciously and knowingly, but still: rest.  Feel 
My love and Michael’s peace.  Whenever you do come to us, My children, 
please believe Me, you will have already earned it.

If you have any questions or comments this evening, our home also contains 
this possibility too.

Student:  Mother, if it’s appropriate, would You explain more about the 
order of beings called Sordoms who remove negative energy from our bodies; 
and how do we avail ourselves of this service?

NEBADONIA:  Yes, C, I’m not certain I can agree with your understanding of 
what negative energy is, that needs to be removed from your body.  Would you 
explain your concept of this a little more thoroughly?

Student:  Yes.  I understood it to be negative energy left over from the 
Adamic Default and from the Lucifer Rebellion, but I have no specifics on 
it.  I read it in one of the transcripts that came from the Minnesota team.

(Negative energy: the Lucifer Rebellion)

NEBADONIA:  Yes, I see.  These are not the terms I generally use.  I like to 
keep distinct the normal usage of the word energy as pertaining to the 
impersonal manifestations of physical reality.  Whereas what you are 
suffering because of the Lucifer Rebellion, and Calagastia’s joining it, is 
highly personal.  It is a continuing culture based upon those erroneous 
concepts that Lucifer and his followers held as to the nature of Michael, 
and Myself, and the Universal Father.

If you have read His manifesto (Ed: Urantia book—paper 53) you know He 
professed a number of highly corrosive notions which showed not only a 
supreme disrespect, but an appalling ignorance of true spiritual realities.  
But He was only able to ignore these because of an exaltation of himself, a 
kind of willful blindness that came about from self-exaggeration—the very 
freedom I mentioned earlier.  What He expressed as declarations of freedom 
were actually license, a denial and ignoring of profound realities simply 
because they were so much greater than He.  He lacked humility in the sense 
We have been teaching--humility being the perception of something so much 
more enormous than oneself.

On Urantia this gave rise to a very distinct culture that, as you know, has 
lasted for many hundreds of thousands of years.  And it is the persistence 
of this culture, which is still so prevalent on your world today, and not 
some impersonal energy within your body, My son.  It is more fundamentally 
psychological and physical/behavioral: ways of thinking and acting; ways of 
perceiving with their attendant blindness, misperceptions, denials, and 
spiritual numbness.  There are still persons deliberately training 
youngsters in the exaltation of ego and ones own sense of oneself, so that 
truly obscene acts of cruelty and violence cannot only be justified, but 
celebrated, even entertaining.

(The true spiritual wealth of your soul)

Living within this kind of culture can make you ill because it is all 
essentially a fraud, perpetrated on the innocent and the gullible.  It’s a 
supreme exercise in cynicism.  The most direct way out of this maze is by 
getting and staying in touch with your own personal life and the true 
spiritual wealth of your soul.  And this is most directly done with the 
practice of stillness We encourage you to cultivate.

Do you remember I once recommended that to get some sense of proportion 
between what you call the positive and the negative in life, you sometimes 
have to escape from the competitive, entertainment aspect of the news and 
pop-culture media--a kind of horror-mongering one-ups-manship, and regain a 
deep sense of your own positive existence?  Do you remember that, My son?

Student:  Yes, Mother, I do.

(Renewing oneself: His power and self-power)

NEBADONIA:  You can think of some negative influence on your life as a 
negative energy, if you wish.  But keep in mind it is highly personal; 
personal in its origin with personal beings and, while true enough this 
culture persists in artifacts--in writings, in buildings, in monuments, it 
is mainly carried by living people and passed on from generation to 
generation.  This will go on until there comes a time when one generation 
gains the supreme courage to absorb whatever negative karma impacts it, lets 
it die with them, and does not pass it on.  But to do this you must 
constantly renew yourself, and this you can do with the help We have 
offered, Michael and I, and the presence of God within you.  Does this 
answer your question, My son?

Student:  It does make it a lot clearer--where the energy comes from and how 
it is appearing in my life.  I like the idea of renewing myself, constantly, 
through You and Michael and the Heavenly Father.  Thank You, Mother.

NEBADONIA:  You are welcome, My son.  Let Me note for the readers, that in 
your lively discussion earlier this evening, you were all reaching for a 
feeling and an experience of what you yourselves are--the fundamental 
reality We call your personality.  While this is not your ego, and can never 
be an object of direct perception, it is intrinsically minded and has its 
own spiritual nature.  So this too you all have--you all are.  You are a 
creation of God with the power of free will. Granted, it takes a lifetime 
learning how to use it, but you can exercise it, you can choose to do your 
best to perceive and follow God’s will, trusting that His fountain of 
creativity is what renews you.

In addition--now don’t let this go to your head, so to speak--(group 
laughs)--this is not to feed your ego; but you yourself also have power.  
This is what free will is.  We call you a creature of will dignity.  You 
manifest this dignity by choosing, as highly consciously as you can.  So 
never lose sight of this too, My son.  This is how you renew yourself.  And 
be in My love.

Student: Thanks again, Mother.

Student:  Mother, would You be so kind as to indicate what the upshot of 
today’s lesson was for us, maybe in its practical implication of what You 
were saying about time and history and free will, and all these great 
things?  It would be helpful to perhaps get a restatement in a succinct way.

(Mother Spirit: recapitulated)

NEBADONIA:  Yes, B, it has been the object of many of Our lessons simply to 
introduce you to yourself.  Here Michael and I have decided to articulate 
dimensions of human reality.  Some of these you already know and are quite 
familiar with, and you can use the lesson as a kind of checklist.  Others 
may be quite new to you, you have to read and re-read over and over, and 
really stretch your imagination, to get some feeling of the reality that Our 
words can only point toward.  (Yes)

This is, in part, to assuage your fear of the unknown, of inklings you get 
from time to time of being lost in a maelstrom of space and time beyond 
comprehension or grasping.  (Right)  And so We reassure you this is simply 
your home, not some hallucination or kind of boogey-man chasing you in your 
moments of depression or exhaustion, (Yep) but real perceptions of a reality 
that is quite unbounded. (Yes)  And as I mentioned to D one time, there is 
much We can say knowing it is being recorded and will be capable of being 
read and studied to your heart’s content later.  So I am aware that I do 
stretch your attention at times.  I can only hope you enjoy the stretch.

In expressing some of these truths, I anticipate some of the erroneous 
concepts of reality they seem to contradict, and also I try to put them in a 
new and fresh way for your comprehension, rather than just reshuffling the 
old deck of previous concepts.  (Yeah)  If I do so at some length it is only 
to afford you some longer time in My mind. (students laugh) So bear with Me, 
My son, We do appreciate the human quality of patience, and hope We are not 
requiring too much long-suffering. (students laugh)

Student:  I think You are the one that’s long-suffering.

NEBADONIA:  Well, as Michael and I have said before, We are quite fortunate 
in not needing such human virtues.  (students laugh)  Were there any other 
questions, My son?

Student:  Yeah, I think so.  What rises to the surface is all my concern 
about the moves that are being made now on the planet by what would appear 
to be the last breath or the last stand of the Luciferic forces, and I 
wonder what… You mentioned that there is a culture of the Luciferic forces 
that’s survived for hundreds of thousands of years, and I’m always curious, 
after studying The Urantia book and listening to transmissions, as to 
whether there is a way to point to any given institution or any system of 
some grouping of men, or some government or some identifiable entity, some 
secret society, which one could look at, to study to see this force as it 
now exists on the planet?  Or is it really just an attitude that you can 
find anywhere, You know, in any place, in any government, in any family, in 
any institution that one could call the Luciferic culture?

Could You recall if that’s what is meant by the Luciferic culture--as a very 
loose application of the term culture?  So I wonder if You could help 
clarify as to, You know, how one could identify that culture if it survives 
today?

(The Lucifer Rebellion’s persisting culture)

NEBADONIA:   I can’t answer exactly in the categories as you delineated 
them,  but it’s mostly an attitude--in The Urantia book sense--the 
willingness and the ability to relate to reality.  And here I’ll emphasize 
the individual’s ability or inability to relate to full spiritual reality.  
This is very much an individual thing that permeates all the different races 
and nation states of the world.  You can very easily get a grasp of it if 
you think of human beings along a dimension from the most spiritual, in the 
sense of truly serving their fellow human beings, to the other extreme of 
those who are most viscously and cynically depriving their fellows of 
happiness and life.

So within every nation state, within every race of peoples, there are those 
organizations of individuals gathered together to truly spiritually serve 
others, and there are other organizations which have as their reason for 
being the exploitation of their fellows. (Yes)  And this culture, this 
learned behavior, exists to some degree in almost everyone, excepting only 
someone you might think of as a pure saint, an individual who gives their 
total life to others. (Yes)

On the other extreme are those who are turning out what you call acts of 
terrorism, and not only physical violence, but those who perpetrate economic 
slavery, or different kinds of racial or cultural warfare. (Yes) When you 
think of human governments, and you can see the individuals within, they 
cover this whole spectrum, plus all varieties of those who may be quite 
naively doing great damage unintentionally, and even those who may be 
bestowing some benefits quite unknowingly.  There’s certainly no lack of 
irony in human behavior.

I would just caution against any kind of simplistic attempt to assign this 
or associate it in a generalized way.  You have Our cautions about the 
limits of generalizations. (Yes)  In evaluating individuals or 
organizations, My son, simply look for the effect. (Yes)  A tree is known by 
the fruit it bears: you have many sayings that point this way. (Yes)  But 
just generally speaking: there is no whole race or group of people either 
purely evil or purely enlightened.  Does that help you get some grasp of the 
situation?

Student:  Immensely, thank You so much.

NEBADONIA:  This is just one more instance, My son, in which, when you think 
deeply about what you are confronting, you are immediately face to face with 
the limits of your own ability to comprehend so many thousands, even 
millions of unique individuals out there. (Yes) This is very humbling.  But 
don’t let it stifle your desire to understand. (Yes)  Keep reaching, keep 
trying to be as open as you can.  This way you keep growing.  Were there any 
other questions?

Student:  That will do it for the moment.  Thank You so much.

NEBADONIA:  You are quite welcome.  Be in My love. (Yes)

Student:  Yes, Mother, there is so much churning on inside of me right now.  
One of the things I thought about in the discussion with B was, what we see 
in the world today is, in a sense, a perversion of God’s reality, to allow 
ones agenda, ones ego to prevail.  But there are, such as You say, these 
millions of unique individuals in this world, and no matter how sinister 
they are, and as You and Michael have pointed out, they are infinite 
potential as well; and that there is a bond within all of us, and that is 
God’s reality, God’s truth, God’s love.  That’s how I kind-of grapple with 
what I read and hear, the terror and the genocide and the evil, is to know 
that beneath all that, and beyond all that, is God’s intention for each and 
every one of us; that these constructs that we are experiencing are parts of 
the perversion of His wholeness and His love and His will.

My thoughts on driving here tonight, and You alluded to it as well, was the 
idea of freedom, and what that means to me, and all of us.  As You 
mentioned, we can even be free within the confines of our own 
limitations--of what we have come to understand.  So I’m kind-of grappling 
with what that means for me in the choices I make, and sometimes I feel, I 
keep on thinking of this, this game show that was on: Let’s Make A Deal, 
where you have three choices.  Now if I choose, one choice has everything I 
could dream of; one where it’s not helpful at all; and there’s one that’s 
just complacency.  So I’m afraid sometimes of making a wrong choice, not 
congruent with my best interests at hand—my soul.  I’m facing that dilemma 
right now.  Also I’m afraid of conning myself into believing that something 
is going to turn out a certain way; my idealism gets in the way of my 
realism, even to the point of pain.  It’s like the Zen koan I mentioned 
before, about the monk who keeps picking up a scorpion in the hope it will 
someday stop stinging him.  And You mentioned: let a scorpion be a scorpion. 
  Yet I keep getting caught up on the same dilemma.  I hope I’m making sense 
out of all this.

NEBADONIA:  Well D, it certainly makes sense to Me…

Student: May I say something?  (Certainly…)  It’s what You said to me two 
weeks ago, about the wisdom of…how I said I was always getting an 
understanding after the fact, but I needed to be wise as I’m going through 
what I’m going through.  That’s what I mean about conning myself.  I don’t 
what to con myself into thinking a certain thing will happen.  Because I 
know I have this pattern of holding onto things beyond their value.

(The nature of decision: hindsight and foresight)

NEBADONIA:  This is very understandable to Me for you are expressing the 
living nature of decision, and how being open requires all these 
considerations.  But what I was trying to convey before is: how does one 
gain foresight from clearly understanding hindsight?  Hindsight is just 
understanding what you’ve experienced so far, and foresight means being able 
to project this into the future so you do not—as you say—fool yourself.  
This is most easily understood in terms of bad habits, such as drug 
additions, where you know from long experience there is a certain pleasure 
associated with this behavior, but afterwards the price to be paid seems to 
be overwhelmingly negative compared to the good derived.

This could be an addiction to love--or what you mistake for love, as well as 
any chemical.  It could be for power; all the things that have enormous 
promise before the fact, then appear afterward as if you’ve allowed yourself 
to be fooled one more time.  You have the feeling you should have known 
better.

(The need for feedback)

So tonight I want you to look at this.  There are some things you cannot 
know before you try them.  So you have to be very careful after the fact, 
when this particular experiment did not go too well at all, be very exact 
here as to whether you could have known this before, or not.  Then with this 
in hand, this knowledge, you can more thoroughly assess what you call 
“hanging on.”  This is peculiar because sometimes you feel you are being 
overly positive in terms of generosity, or giving folks a second, and third, 
and forth, and fifth chance when they don’t appear to be responding.  This 
is that hard reality to accept—the concept of tough love where you 
deliberately hold individuals accountable to what they themselves have 
promised you—not out of vindictiveness, but because you realize they need 
the feedback.  They need to experience the consequences of their choices, 
and you only encourage their immaturity by acting as too much a cushion 
between them and reality.

But you express well the living moment-to-moment quality of these decisions. 
  The only way out is the slow growth of wisdom and self-knowledge.  This is 
the definition of not fooling yourself.  Does this make sense?

Student:  (laughing)  Very much so.  I do have this problem of giving folks 
fourth, fifth, sixth chances, in spite of my own pain and anguish about it 
all.  I seem to be one of those “grin and bear it” types, and chalk it up to 
experience.  I try to learn from these things, and experience the presence 
of God at the same time.  Michael asked last week: where is the freedom in 
all this?  I should question: where is my freedom?  There are numerous 
possibilities confronting me, of any which way I could go.  I don’t want to 
limit myself, or another person’s freedom.

NEBADONIA:  My son, there’s no shortcut through this thicket.  (Yeah)  This 
is the living nature of decisions, and being aware of how much you yourself 
are choosing your own future.  Some have very wisely called this the fear of 
freedom, which has so often lead great numbers of people to choose   
totalitarian, rather paternalistic social and governmental systems—the root 
of fascism, if you will.

Student:  Where does this idea I have in mind come from, that I need to 
suffer this pain or this suffering—this is what God wants me to do: that God 
wants me to be in this relationship, or God kind-of tests me, tests my 
mettle?  I mean why do I have these thoughts?  Why do I give people four or 
five or six chances?

NEBADONIA:  I would say it is even more fundamental than that.  Why is it 
abrading you that you do so?  (Say that again?)  Why does it abrade you, why 
does it cause you pain to do so?  This is just the mechanism by which you 
are evaluating what you are doing.  When I say there are no shortcuts 
through this thicket; another way of saying this is: this is going into the 
battle, going into the fray of choosing, that’s unavoidable if you wish to 
be free, and know yourself.  This is all highly commendable, except you need 
to take a break from it from time to time.  You can’t let it get too 
relentless, or you are just adding one more self-abrading loop.  (Yes—I feel 
that ‘s been going on)  So We say: take a break!  It will come around 
again…(I know, I know…) but you need to rest from time to time.  Rest 
deeply.  Let it all go.  Be satisfied.  This is loving yourself.  This is 
supporting yourself.  Then go into it again, and try to understand yourself 
as best you can, and evaluate things.  So you will know moments when 
everything is wide open, and you cannot know yet, you do not yet have this 
evaluation.  But then you evaluate and decide, say: OK—this person has to 
go, in my life.  You make that decision, and act upon it.  Then you stay 
open to the consequences.  Take a break and catch up to yourself: re-unify.

Student:  I do understand the responsibility is up to me, how I handle it.  
It’s me no matter what environment or situation; it’s always me, and I can’t 
run away from that.   But it’s daunting when You and Michael point out some 
decisions are irrevocable, like the past is the past and can never be 
changed.  So that’s a lot of responsibility resting on the understanding of 
the choices involved.

NEBADONIA:  Never forget, My son, the root meaning of responsibility is the 
ability to respond.  It is a real ability.  (long pause)

(The value of flexibility)

One final thing is a way of visualizing your dilemma.  See yourself getting 
more and more flexibility in the intensity of your questioning.  In other 
words, rather than having a kind of steady, monotonous and enervating go at 
it, stretch out to the extremes by taking a break of no questioning at all; 
then other times even intensify this penetrating evaluation.  This is a 
further ability to gain as part of a growing maturity: flexibility.  For it 
means at one and the same time becoming more decisive, and yet ever more 
sensitive to yourself and others.  It’s a goal, an ideal to think about.

Student:  Thank You very much.

NEBADONIA:  You are welcome.  Again, I think it will help you to reread 
this.  (Yes, it will—Yes, it will. [laughing—heavy sigh]  I just desire to 
live in truth…)  Well, rest assured that while the desire does not guarantee 
the result, there is no result without that desire.

I feel it has been a wonderful evening…(group: Yes, Yes)  We’ve once again 
thrown a big loop around human reality and tried to make more complete your 
philosophy of life.  This is another way of loving life.  Do you remember 
Welmek’s lessons years and years ago, of learning, and loving, and life, and 
all the combinations: learning to love; loving to learn; learning to live; 
living to learn; loving to live; living to love?  This is the spiritual 
value of your human philosophy and, as your Urantia book tells you, one of 
the first things you will be taught over on the other side are what are 
called Morontia Mota, or spiritual laws, that begin right where the highest 
human philosophy leaves off.  This is how you know, My children, that this 
philosophizing is worth it; when it actually does something!  It is the 
moment to moment grasp that, however you realize with your growing wisdom 
you have to let go again the next moment to reach for more, still these are 
little, temporal way-stations of having something you will enjoy throughout 
eternity—these unique realizations in time without which eternity would be a 
monotonous hell of sameness.  We can thank God it is not.  Go in My love, 
and allow yourselves to rest.  Good evening.


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