Ham on trust and guilt

[David G. Schlundt, Ph.D.]

 5/18/97

Ham:  Greetings, friends, I am Ham and I want to thank you all for
having come here this afternoon.  Tonight we would like to discuss
trust and trustworthiness. When you say you trust another human,
usually you are talking about something in particular or just that
their general trustworthiness is high. Never can you  totally and with
absolute confidence in every small detail say that you trust another
human being. And this is as it should be because God reserves the
sphere of total trust for himself.  

To trust totally you must have something completely perfect to trust
in.  Those who attempt to put this sacred sphere of trust onto other
human beings are doomed to be continually disappointed.  God is the
only perfect person who you are in contact with.  So your trust in him
can be a truly sacred thing.  

Human beings are fallible creatures and often you are guilty of having
expectations that are too high.  Often it is not another person's sin
against you that you should be blaming for feeling let down, but
rather your own illusory expectations instead.  Can you really blame
someone for operating at the level that they are. If you expect them
to operate in a higher moral sphere, you are in error.  Often you
blame someone for being untrustworthy when in reality it is you that
are guilty of misunderstanding that person's level.  

As you progress in the spirit coming closer to the Father and
partaking of his divine perfection, truly do you become a better
friend to others just as the Father is a perfect friend to you.  You
then can justify another's faith in you. You can earn other's trust.
The Father is truly a perfect friend, you can never put too much trust
in Him for he will never let you down. And, as you partake of his
nature, you are less and less likely to let your friends down. 

Think of a time when someone was disappointed in placing their trust
in you. They felt treated unfairly, but didn't you also feel treated
unfairly?   Didn't you feel that you needed to be who you are and who
you are required certain actions which may not of seemed unfair to you
at all?  Now think of a time when you deliberately did someone wrong. 
Sometimes the motive could be to deliberately break another's trust in
you.  Sometimes, someone's trust is too big a burden and not
expressive of who you are.  Sometimes you might not feel that this
burden of trust is fair and this is certainly so.  

Each person must come to trust the Father and Him alone.  Once you can
come to that understanding, then the betrayals and let downs that
other people bring into your life is not so hard to bear because your
sacred trust is not lying with them. Your sacred trust is unshakable
and complete so the foibles of your fellows are not so grave, not so
serious.

Now we come to the part where you begin to be worthy of the Father's
trust.  The Father knows your level, he knows what he can give you and
what you cannot handle. You never have to worry about violating the
Father's trust because you cannot do it.  You can never disappoint the
Father.  You can never violate his sacred trust in you.  There is no
place in your relationship with the Father for guilt. 

All of you have experience with children and you know that you do not
want them to feel guilt and self-loathing over some minor infraction. 
Really, what you desire most from them is love.  Can you see that the
Father never desires you to be guilty or in any way self-loathing.  He
desires you to love him, he desires that you trust him, and together
you will make through this earthly existence.  

Sometimes, in confusion, you might think that it is best to give the
Father guilt, but this is not so. You must learn to gradually release
these feelings of guilt and self- loathing.  Do not try to put too
much trust in yourselves because this can compound and perpetuate
inner guilt.  Keep your trust where it belongs, not on your shoulders
or anyone else's except the Father's.  Be calm and be gentle with
yourselves. Be careful not to set yourselves up for disappointments by
putting too much trust where it doesn't belong.

Are there any questions at this time?

Q: When you feel guilt based on love, when someone you have loved you
have let down, does that follow with what you are saying.

Ham: Yes.  

Q: What's my next step?

Ham: This daughter I will not tell you at this time. You will have
guidance from Orion and others.  It is not for me to tell you anything
to do.  What I suggest, however, is to have complete openness when the
time is correct you will know what to do.  Ask for help and for
guidance within in your prayers and it will be given to you.

Q: You said in your lesson that we could never disappoint the father
or violate his sacred trust in us, could you elaborate on that?

Ham:  The Father is fully aware of all the imperfections in your life,
in your being.  He is not taken by surprise by anything you could do
or think.  He sees you totally and completely as you are in every
moment.  He is total, unconditional love and nothing you can do will
ever change that. The Father sees reality, his reality, in its
entirety, its completeness.   The reason human beings experience
disappointment is by having unreal expectations.  The Father is never
a victim of this, so he does not ever experience disappointment. 
Likewise, he does not experience anger or fear. The Father may seek to
place a Fatherly hand between you and disaster, but never does he seek
to punish his children.

Q: You said there is no place for guilt in our relationship with our
Father. Can you speak of the proper place of guilt, if any, in the
relationships between human beings.

Ham: Yes, guilt and remorse should be a part of human interactions. 
You should understand that remorse and guilt is a part of empathy
between people so if you have hurt someone and understand their
anguish, then you will necessarily feel guilt.  

Q: But we can't hurt the Father?

Ham: Correct.

Q: We have been raised with guilt in our religions and guilt and fear
of God are a part of our culture and heritage.  It will not be easy
for us to overcome these habits of thinking and feeling about god. 
But I think when we are able to trust God as you described, it  will
be liberating for us. 

Ham: Certaintly it will.

Q: I am surprised that you find value in guilt in interactions among
people?

Ham: Human society would not be possible without it.

Q: In other words, a loose terminology, loving guilt, and empathy. Is
that what you are talking about?

Ham: If there were no remorse for wrong doing, you could not have
civilization.

Q: In one of your earlier lessons you said guilt must be abandoned and
you elaborated on that, to what extent should we feel guilt.

Ham: Gradually as you grow in the spirit, it is possible to gradually
eliminate guilt as a part of your every day life.  Some of you carry
guilt from childhood that is irrelevant and unproductive.  But you are
afraid to let that guilt go because it has been part of how you
defined yourself since you were a child.  This is the kind of guilt I
was talking about. I didn't mean that if you hurt another person
accidently or deliberately that you should not feel any guilt.

Q: Ham do you have any words for me this week?

Ham:  Certainly, Kellin, there are words that need to be expressed,
feelings that need to be shared. Sometimes you carry too much on your
shoulders for fear of burdening someone, but this is not healthy for
you.  Sometimes you might just need to yell at a wall or nothing but
you always hold it and then this  surpressed feeling can surface in
small ways that can be hurtful to you and others.  So take some time
to honestly express yourself.  Be open and honest and express your
feelings.  Your world won't collapse even though you think it might.  

Q: I'd like to ask my usual question.

Ham: Certainly Jarad, likewise you internalize your feelings as well. 
There are times when you feel things that you don't want to face
squarely so you don't express them either. I think you should be freer
with your self-expression and use this freedom also in your writing.

Q: Anything for Rebecca?

Ham: Yes, Rebecca you are the worst one about repressing feelings and
denying them as well.  It would be good for you to yell every day for
a week.  I want you to really do that.  Be freer in your
self-expression and also you'll find that it helps you work.

Q: Anything for Esmirelda?

Ham: Yes, daughter, don't be feeling alone with your thoughts.  Be
sure to keep close touch with your brother and daughters. You are
achieving a very good balance, and are beginning to get in touch with
your true feelings and thoughts.  Have confidence and faith in who you
are becoming and don't feel obliged by others to remain who you were. 

Q: Elena?

Ham: I have to let Elena go through her own experience and feelings at
this time. There is nothing to say that would help her. 

Way.. You are realizing some inner realities also that were not
apparent earlier in you life and you need to learn how to embrace and
accept newness within. as this inner change occurs, things become new
outside as well.  You learn to see through new eyes and the new man
then lives in a new world.  Don't be afraid of this process because it
is gradual and unconscious.  But, you must now recognize it for the
gradual spiritual transformation that it is and not deny your newness.

Q: About the things I need to talk about, could you suggest someone
that would be good to talk to about these things?

Ham: No, that's for you to decide.

Q: It seem like Rebecca gets to hear an awful lot of whining and
moaning from me anyway?

Q: Ham do you have any words for me today?

Ham: Yes, son, there are decisions that you need to consider about who
you are and what you want your life to be.  So far, you've let the
circumstances and chance mold your life and have not take
responsbility for its direction yourself.  So if I were to give you
advice, I would say  think about these things and begin to consciously
create your life rather than allowing it to be created for you.

Q: Ham is there any feedback you  have for me this week?


Ham: Yes, Brodan, you are certainly progressing in the spirit. The
time is correct for you to let go a little more. Don't be do worried
about losing control if you allow yourself more freedom -- freedom of
thought, and freedom of will.  You tend to impose a strength of will
on yourself that leaves very little room for spontaneity or times
saying I don't feel like it.  I would say if you loosened up the
reigns a litte bit, you'll find that you actually can go faster. 

Q: Is what's so scary about freedom to people the unknown?

Ham: Yes, the unknown is certainly frightening but it is also
exhilarating to leave the nest of your own making.  

Q: Quit being both the prisoner and the jailor?

Ham: Yes.

Q: Tonhight you encouraged several of us to be freer in our
self-expression. In the Urantia book I recall reading a passage on the
necessity of increasing self-control as we progress through the
circles. In my mind there is some confusion between self- control and
self-expression.

Ham: Self-control simply means you are wisely choosing the time and
place and method of self-expression.

Q: Ham, I appreciate any advice for me.

Ham: Vontis you are learning the real value of friendships both within
your family and outside it.  True friendship with another human being
has a value and a purpose all in itself apart from what it give you or
what you give to it.  Think of the value of your friendship with Elkie
and this friendship has a value in the universe that is different than
the value each of you has apart.  It is a wise man who learns to
treasure friendship for its own sake.

Q: Where you just talking about the Supreme?

Ham: yes. It there are no further questions I will depart until next
week. My love and prayers are with you all daily. Farewell.




 
**************************************************
David Schlundt, Ph.D.           Voice: 615-322-7800
Associated Professor of Psychology
301 Wilson Hall                   Fax: 615-343-8449
Vanderbilt University
Nahsville, TN  37240         
********* schlundg at ctrvax.vanderbilt.edu **********
Modern science, particularly psychology, has weakened only those religions which are so
largely dependent upon fear, superstition, and emotion.
Paper-99 Section-4 Para-8        Page-1090 Line-21 Para-4
The Urantia Book