[tmtranscripts] Self-Mastery (05-27-97.BUT)

[Gerdean]

DATE: May 27, 1997
LOCATION: Butler, PA, USA
T/R'S: Hunnah and Gerdean
TEACHERS: MERIUM AND TOMAS
TOPIC: Lesson on Self-Mastery

TOMAS: He is exalted. Good evening, my children. 

Group: Good evening.

TOMAS: We are so pleased with your endeavors in communication this evening. Merium and I stand with you in your noble desires to be heard and to make your message, your words, those of truth, beauty and goodness.

This exercise has long-range repercussions, as do all good habits. You will no longer resist the leadings of disciplined communication and you will be supportive of this technique in your community, thereby fostering a concept of communion not only with the Father but also with one another. You will begin to learn to communicate in the soul levels rather than on the superficial levels, which earmark your society. This is why the lesson has been difficult, for it is not common, but for those of you who have embarked upon a process of becoming more like God, you are amenable to those techniques which will allow for His will to be done.

My daughters, you have no concept of how much your expressions meant to us this evening. Indeed, Hunnah, your remarks caused a bit of a ripple on our side, for we saw a very well-integrated personality giving forth truth lessons in its expression of your inner life, one which was compatible to your human self and to your divine self. This practice of personality integration is a direct reflection on our lesson last Thursday having to do with the Thought-God, the Word-God and the Deed-God -- those three facets of Trinity, which you can know in your life as They know in Paradise.

I spoke briefly last Thursday regarding the Conjoint Actor and I referenced Thursday to something Iyana had spoken of last Tuesday. If I were not listening, if you were not listening, we would not be able to carry through on the theme of a conversation from one week to the next and have it hold value, for we would have forgotten these truths in the lapse of time and space. That they had value, however, lends credibility not only to the Teachers but also to yourselves.

Now in terms of my on-going theme of late, supported by my compatriot Merium, as well as those of us in the unseen realms who are working with you on Urantia for upliftment and enlightenment of purpose, we direct our focus again to that moment when your thought and your word are harmoniously in conjunction with His will, and you have awaited this impulse to act based upon the cooperation of your will with His will, and now the act begins, in and through the spirit -- Third Person of Deity.

I pause here, before you launch into action, to review the importance of self-mastery. Have you read in the text the lesson on self-mastery, Leah?

Leah: Yes, I did read it a long time ago. I remember that it was profound but I can't remember it presently.

TOMAS: Iyana?

Iyana: No, I can't remember what it was.

TOMAS: Hunnah?

Hunnah: No.

TOMAS: It would do you well to review the lesson on self-mastery. It is in the text. It is not a full Paper. It is a segment. Perhaps you would do us all a favor now and read the lesson on self-mastery. We will be in recess. [Urantia Book study: Lesson on Self-Mastery, pages 1609-10]

Iyana: What does that mean, "the self-conscious bondage of a life of self-denial and watchcare?" What means self-denial and watchcare? That's down in the last paragraph. It says, "If then, my children, you are born of the spirit, you are forever delivered from the self-conscious bondage of a life of self-denial and watch-care over the desires of the flesh." Does that mean that it just doesn't bother you anymore? That you don't have to keep a watch on yourself anymore because you know that you're not tempted? I don't understand what that means, "self-conscious bondage."

Hunnah: One of the things that I felt or received an understanding of, to a degree, through the Infinite Way, was the understanding of your completeness, self-completeness in Christ versus this unending shouting definition of a self separate and apart from God, which is the Kingdom living on earth, without a higher connection. And Ching Hai refers to sentient beings, the sensual man, you of the flesh; and that is our bondage. Even better than the word "bondage," I feel, is our conditioning, and what we are doing is we are outgrowing -- we're not out-shouting it or anything, but our conscious awareness of our new reality, sense of ourselves, is established in us now, and therefore when the "Ouch!" of our daily life-- In our endless opinions and the pressures, we start to see that we are living in the world but not of it. 

And that continuous daily test (I call it distraction, daily distraction)-- and when we start to wrestle with it, we strengthen it. We seem to strengthen it and distract ourselves even more from what we really believe in! I know in myself sometimes, when I have a problem, I become so compulsively and all-absorbingly distracted! And then you really get angry because you don't want that energy - and I have a friend right now who's going through this - is being depleted; this energy which is supposed to be "feeding the world" is going down the tube over an old reality.

Leah: I don't think you're supposed to say if it bothers you. I think you have to admit that it bothers you, but, like you said, you could say, "I'm not going to let it bother me," but the only way you could do that is if you turned it over. Norita called me one time and -- I think it was St. Teresa. There was a nun in a convent with her and I don't know, she rattled her rosary beads all the time or something, and St. Teresa was having a real hard time with her so finally she just said, "This person is really driving me nuts and I just can't seem to love her, so I'm just going to ask Jesus to love her for me," and she didn't have any problem with her after that. So it's simple trust. I tried that recently in the last couple of weeks in a couple of situations and sometimes I forget that I've turned it over, I take it back. I suppose I experience this as trial and error and recalling....

Gerdean: I'd like to make a comment on the reading. It says, "In the Father's kingdom you are to become new creatures; old things are to pass away, behold I show you how all things are to become new." Now when I read this, I recognize that these are things that I need to learn. I think much of the Teachers' talk of conditioning is related to this. Our conditioning is very deeply ingrained, but as we seek to become new creatures, then we need to put away, willingly set aside those conditionings that hold us up: the fear that we've lived under for so long, the shame that we've lived under for so long -- as a society! as a people! -- and be transformed, but I don't think that this happens overnight.

For example, it talks about here "the human heart is deceitful above all things" and we take our heart very seriously! Our human heart is deceitful! How do we determine between our "God heart" -- our God-loving heart with compassion and all those wonderful qualities of the fruits of the spirit -- and the human heart which is "deceitful, sometimes even desperately wicked"? I think this is where we need to look to determine "Who told you? Who are you going to follow? Man or God?" Is this something your human heart is tied in with or is this something that is becoming new?

Hunnah: May I comment on that? I have a friend who is a great Unity -- I guess you'd say of the steps on her journey, Unity has been one of her stops or schools -- and she will say, "Is it for the greatest good, the best for all? Is this decision for the greatest good? Is it going to cultivate and nourish your soul? Or is it going to satisfy you on a superficial level? We don't always want that answered. We're caught up in it in an essential way.

Leah: I'd like to respond to the question about the human heart. That's a biblical expression as well, about the human heart being deceitful, and I've always had a really hard time with reading that. And then I noticed in the transmissions, when they really want to make a point, they usually say, "in your heart of hearts." They usually use that phrase as opposed to-- I mean, occasionally they use "heart" but they designate that as opposed to our human conditioning.

Iyana: Deep. Down deep do you really believe that.

Leah: Uh-huh.

Iyana: The deceitful heart is on a human level.

Leah: Yeah. It's our lowly animal origin instincts. Yes.

Gerdean: Well, I know that my human heart deceived me a lot, and I fell into "foolish fears, divers lusts, enslaving pleasures, malice, envy and even vengeful hatred" for a long time, and I was not "cured" overnight. I had to look at some of those things and learn to understand them and allow my sonship to surpass my human-ness and allow it to take its place. I gained self-mastery over it where it was no longer necessary or desirable to do that! Like . promiscuity. You know. There is no promiscuity whereas there was. There are a number of things. It's not necessary. "When the going gets tough, the tough go shopping" . it's not necessary now for me to spend money to feel good. You know. These are replacements of value that didn't all happen in the blink of an eye! And I'm sure that I still have more that I'm going to learn in terms of self-mastery.

Hunnah: Isn't that also called "false appetites"?

Iyana: Like computerized, more or less: always getting a treat all the time. The parents come home, always had something in their pocket for us, so we always-- Now, I've had so much love come from up there, I don't need my treat like that. I mean, I don't have to tell myself I'm giving myself a treat because I deserve it or I earned it or all that sort of thing. I never think of that at all.

Hunnah: "We've come a long way baby."

Iyana: Well, you know, some people say, "I've gotta be good to myself." I never felt that way, in that sense.

Leah: Well, actually, that is a true statement, but sometimes it's misplaced. I've read a lot this week about loving yourself before you can love other people, and I've heard it and heard it and heard it, but nobody ever teaches you along the path, as you're growing up. You serve other people, so how do you learn to love yourself?

Iyana: How can you love yourself if someone is always nagging at you or finding fault with you? 

Leah: That's true.

Iyana: But if you're brought up to think you're special because you're God's child, and to separate it from the ego part, then they will know that they're special.

Leah: Well, all of God's children are special. There aren't any who are more special than any other.

Iyana: But they don't tell them that they're special. That's what I'm talking about.

Hunnah: Yes, we don't hear it enough.

Iyana: They think it makes a person egotistic if they say they love themselves. But this is entirely different from being egotistic. One of the papers we just read said we should be proud of what you do, what you're doing in the spirit way, that you're accomplishing what He has in mind for you. That's a wonderful article; I'm glad he told us to look it up.

TOMAS: I am glad you enjoyed it. My motives for having you read that passage at this juncture in your understanding of how it is that you do His will, how it is that you manifest perfection in your sphere, indicates also why it is that we have discussed your motives. Those of you who have been born of the spirit have indeed professed a desire to act in accordance with His will. You have said, "Father, it is my will that your will be done," and you commenced then to enter into your life, your arena. 

Much of your lives are acted upon unconsciously. Much of what transpires in the evolution of you and your world happens in spite of you because it is the natural way that you evolve, that you grow, that the spirit is all-powerful and will not be defeated. But those of you who opt to be aware of the journey, who opt to participate in the efforts of attainment, and to reap the rewards of accomplishment, can contribute by understanding how it is that your motives, your intentions, can affect your actions and thereby affect those around you. Indeed, inhibiting or augmenting the growth of others.

As you stand in preparation to follow through on doing His will, in faith you will prevail, but much of your growth process entails --almost by reflection - discovering how you might have acted more wisely, responded more sensitively, and so forth. It is here that many of you "beat yourselves up" and fall into emotional realms which fall short of your own inherent glory, when these are really little assignments in the lessons of perfection attainment, little lessons on self-mastery. For you may be assured, as you have read, that your spirit will act in accordance with His will. The mota states, "The act is ours; the consequences God's," and God will make the best of any given situation. Such is His glory, His power. Such is in the Mystery.

When these little life experiences come about, you may regard them as exercises in self-mastery. In time you will discover that much that used to trip you up and cloud the path and befog your brethren is now a slick and glossy presentation and you have gone on to even greater refinements of kingdom-building. You are growing up. You are becoming responsible sons and daughters, co-workers of the living God. Always a child, yes; ever seeking Father's guidance, yes; but also shining His light in the darkness.

Are there questions? (Pause) Earlier I overheard Hunnah say she had temporarily resigned her post, due to the fact that she and Merium were partying late recently. Even so, Merium is, as am I, ever eager for another invitation. I will first allow Hunnah the opportunity, if she is willing, to bring our lady friend on-line.

Hunnah: Yes. I'd be glad to. Iyana and I had a little session the other night with Ruth. We invited Merium to join us and we had a lovely evening of sharing. We did not record it, but it was a full plate and we were very pleased to have received it. And it flowed nicely.

TOMAS: Are you amenable to bringing Merium in this evening?

Hunnah: Absolutely.

TOMAS: I will then step aside.

MERIUM: Good evening. It has been a pleasure to be with you this evening and I have truly enjoyed your conversations because they are in my corner, you might say. You have given me a wealth of verbiage to utilize -- if it occurs to me-- but this evening I would like to talk about helping you to cue in on the refined choice.

As an exercise, occasionally you may want to, review the way you handle a situation today as compared to the way you did in previous times. If you wish to see some mature growth that has taken place in your personal experiences, please, by all means, let yourselves reflect. I am very impressed with the sincerity and the thoughtfulness that you apply to your challenges, and it warms my heart to be a part of this group and to work with people who are so open to allowing the glorious, living Christ into their lives.

I would prefer to operate through the mode of answering questions, so if there is something that you can set to me rather than a discourse, I would rather do that. Is there something that has occurred to you that you would like to offer in relationship to a lesson that we have had? Or something that might be of concern to you that you feel others would benefit from hearing?

Gerdean: I have one, Merium. 

MERIUM: Yes.

Gerdean: I have found it a frustration and - of course, as you know, many times, since I'm transmitting Tomas I don't have an opportunity to ask questions, but when I do have an opportunity, I like to take advantage of it. I'm not sure if I just want to say this to put it on the record. I think, really, I need more than that . not necessarily your response to me, but to the issue. And sometimes,...

What I'm trying to say is, when I have a problem, when I voice a personal problem to my friends in conversation or in sharing time, I am not looking for a solution to the problem from my friends. I am looking to find out how I can get the answer from my God. I am trying to -

Many times I'll have experiences and complain about the experience, particularly how I'm handling it. How I'm handling it bothers me, not the situation itself. If I were handling it perfectly, it wouldn't be a problem. So my complaint is that I am not handling it as perfectly as I would like to.

Now I know that Tomas said something about "you're doing better than you used to," but even so, that's the juncture that I'm interested in. How can I do it better? Rather than voicing my concerns as to how to fix it -- I'm not trying to fix the situation. That will fix itself in its own course, because God's got the situation under control. What I'm concerned about is how I handle it and how I fail to handle it. Do you see what I'm saying? Do you know what I'm talking about?

MERIUM: I have several responses that I would like to present. First of all, I would like to ask: "Who is having the problem?" We are talking about Karen and Gerdean, and we have been talking about conditioning. We have been talking about the human conditioning and the new living way.

Gerdean: The integrated personality.

MERIUM: Yes, and when you find yourself wrestling with a situation, is it not a symptomatic that the lesser way, the conditioned behavior is at hand? And what I hear is that you are looking for some peace, and so I will ask you a question that has been asked in many counseling sessions: Do you want to fix the problem, or do you want to be released from the hassle of having made a situation of it, having allowed it to be defined as a problem?

Gerdean: It's really hard to answer that in the abstract, and I don't necessarily want to get specific, but - I don't think I can answer the question.

MERIUM: When I asked that statement-- I apologize. I did not really want you to give me a specific. I wanted you to be able to hold this to your own personal sizing up of the situation at hand. Unfortunately it is the human condition to think that because they utter a prayer, that five minutes later the problem will be resolved. Many problems that people are dealing with have other individuals fueling the situation, and there is a frustration as to (a) thinking it is all your challenge; (b) that you are feeding it; (c) that you are allowing another to feed it; and what I want to do is call you home from all of the extended analysis.

When you find something is making you uncomfortable, I would like to see if you would like to try embracing it, in the sense that "this is the situation as I see it now; my old conditioning is reacting." But allow yourself to consider it a package and the package appears to be a quarrel or a dilemma, yet within that situation there is the answer which is that you are dealing with it because it has come to you to be resolved."

This is not new. The words I am using are not new to you, but I would like to point you at some surrendering as this integrated personality takes hold and is permitted more space, as it is not out-shouted in a sense. The exercise that you had this evening is not just a social interaction, but you can apply all the principles of the earlier exercise to your own round table of personal inquiry and definition when you have a challenge.

You can imagine the discomfort and the confusion as being that prattle of the spoiled child who wants to have it taken care of immediately or not allowing the parent to speak. If you can give yourself some space -- and even interject some humor here -- you will find that many of the arguments that take place are space-fillers. They are the child sound because the child does not like to have it quiet and it does not want to hear from the parent or the authority that has evolved within their consciousness.

I would like to add a new light to this subject. It will not go away. We will continue. If we were to meet for ten more years, we would be continuously challenged with a question such as yours this evening because it is of the human condition. And frequently problems can be starved out, the child can be told to be quiet, and it is not the same as burying your head in the sand. But sometimes stilling must take place in order to have any progress. I hope I am saying enough words that it will resonate that within you with that which already knows.

Gerdean: Well, I appreciate your words. I've heard them, and its adequate for the purpose, certainly, but -- I'm not arguing that it's a human problem because obviously if I were looking at it from a spiritual point of view I would pat myself on the back and say, "Hey, you're doing fine; never mind. Get on with life." But I could equate the situation also as Jesus, instead of trying to knock down the door, would simply open it. He would find out how to open it and he would open it! And I'm not real good at opening the door yet. I still scratch at it and look through the keyhole and hunt under the mat for the key. I mean, I bang on it! I'm not sure how to get the door open graciously, all the time. 

That's all I'm saying is that as I don't know how to get the door open, I get frustrated. We've had discourse like this before. And I am certainly better at it than I used to be. In fact, it used to be I didn't care if I got the door open or not, you know. I am definitely improving. My concern is that when I do express my frustration at not being able to get the door open, I am not relating the information so that my peers can give me advice on what I'm going to find when I get through the door, or why would I want to go through the door in the first place. 

I'm trying to say that my motivations are spiritual as compared to human, but my frustrations seem to be more human as compared to spiritual.

MERIUM: First of all, let me talk about the door. What if the door did not even exist? What you're talking about is a limitation that has been drawn, that is a boundary that has been set up through conditioning, and that you have gone to a point where you have discovered a wall and it depends upon what side of this so-called wall you are standing on. If you are standing on the side where I happen to find myself, there isn't any wall. If you are standing on the so-called side of the limitation you had described to me, it is definitely a wall. So what I'm trying to lead you to is the fact that when you say, "I am trying..." then please back up and tell me who is trying. The new reality is trying? or the conditioned sense of separateness? the separate self who is here on earth and lives in fear?

Gerdean: No. I am speaking to you as an ambassador of the kingdom and I am talking about getting through a door of communication. I am trying to bridge a spiritual gap. I am trying to communicate. I am trying to extend and expand spirit reality. I am trying to do His will as I see it. I don't know how else to - I am not trying to get a Sear's charge card. I am trying to do His will in the living way. I want to open the door of communication between me and thee. And I would like to be more clever, more creative, more adept at opening the door of spirit reality between me and other people. And I get frustrated, either in my inability or in their inability to open the door.

Leah: May I make a comment here? 

MERIUM: Indeed.

Leah: Is that all right with you, Gerdean? 

Gerdean: Yes.

Leah: This is what I hear. I hear that when you present a situation, that the other humans in the room hear: "This is your problem". Maybe it's just a matter of semantics. Maybe it comes across as: "These are the problems in my life." And the human reaction is, "Oh, you've got a problem. I've got a solution!" as opposed to -- what I really hear you saying is, "These are the situations in my life. I want to know how I can handle them better."

Gerdean: That's right.

Leah: So I think I'm hearing what you're saying, but I don't think that other people are hearing. They, like, short-circuit you, like we were doing in listening to the other people. They short-circuit you with ... If the word problem comes up, immediately there's got to be a solution.

Gerdean: And a human one.

Leah: Yes. I mean, you have a human problem, we'll take care of it with a human solution. So I hear the question you're asking, but I feel foolish because I feel like I'm giving the comments you don't want to hear right now, but I see your dilemma. Of course I don't know what the answer is, other than -- Well, yes I do know what the answer is. The spiritual side knows that the answer is communion with God.

Iyana: I hear the word "trying, trying, trying" and one of the messages we received from Jesus one time was that trying will never get you there; you have to do it. You have to just do it. And I, too, think that perhaps you are a little impatient. That is all.

MERIUM: My reply is compassion for you, dear. You want this to happen so badly that you're taking the kingdom by storm. You can hand a cup of water to someone who is thirsty and they will say thank you. You can anticipate another's thirst and be in error. What you do is make what you are available. Tonight's exercise in respect and proper timing was tangible, surely, in such a way that you will be able to apply it to yourself.

In order to have an exchange such as you had this evening, you had to have a change of tempo, and when this change of tempo comes about, it's like a stilling, and when you carry this stillness (which is not a negative quality), when you carry this stillness with you, you are carrying parallel gifts of orderliness, sensitivity, respect. And these will be emitted from you; you will not have to DO this. But in your human conditioning, you (you being everyone) are so used to having to DO something about something, you have forgotten that the meat of this whole quest is to allow yourself to BE what you truly are.

There is some favorite verse in Hunnah's memory bank that was just recently revived and aired, so let me share it with you. It is by Whittier. 

"Drop thy still dews of quietness

And let's take the stain and stress

And let my order and light confess

The beauty of Thy peace."

There is more to that poem. It is also a hymn, but it is saying, in truth, what we really want you to seek is His peace. And as another teacher said, "We cry peace, peace, where there is no peace" because the old conditioning of having to fix it, change it, make it happen, are so deeply woven into the old fabric and you are in the process of dropping these old clothes; you have outgrown them; and the only cloak, literally, that you wear is one of light and peace. 

And so the old teaching is to be Onward Christian Soldiers; the new expression is gentleness. Gentle strength and poise. And the Father will emit from you -- like a fragrance to that person whose Thought Adjuster is intact -- that invitation to join you in the higher expression. This will come about. You have already experienced it, but your zest and your zeal will be like the tools that are no longer appropriate at this time. They will be brought out only when needed. So it is peace that we seek, peace in our heart, and it will show.

Gerdean: Well, what about those remarks that Jesus made, such as, "I come not to bring peace but ..." whatever it was. I mean, he came here to kick butt!

MERIUM: Thank you very much for saying that Jesus said that. Jesus said that. And what did you read tonight in your Paper about this new being that you were going to be?

Gerdean: That he would help us become it.

MERIUM: That is right.

Gerdean: And that is precisely what my concern is. And that was what my question was about. It's a frustration of my own spiritual growth being construed, evidently, as a problem in my relationships with the people that I'm working with, and not what I perceive to be my true problem, which you have addressed.

MERIUM: What are you working with? What do you mean by working with?

Gerdean: I am ...

MERIUM: Are you working on a particular person to convert them?

Gerdean: No. I have been given no such assignment.

MERIUM: What do you think of... Have you ever been "converted"? or had anyone attempt to convert you? How did you feel?

Gerdean: It depends on who's trying to convert me. When I was converted into a daughter of the living God, I resisted but I was, even so, led by my Thought Adjuster and I was converted into a believer in a living God. I have been reborn. I'm having a spiritual experience. I am truly converted from a theological, philosophical way of thinking to an active way of living. It's -- That is the true conversion. I am not talking about one philosophy to another.

MERIUM: You are talking about a spiritual journey?

Gerdean: Yeah!

MERIUM: And spiritual growth.

Gerdean: Yeah.

MERIUM: And it is true that when one discovers the new and living way they tend to be zealous, enthusiastic and impatient for fruitage. This is understandable. There are states and stages of spiritual growth. It will seem as if you periodically go through this aggressiveness and an excitement with it because there are different aspects of yourself that have recognized the light. When you make your first leap of faith and you decide that this is how you want to live, there is an assumption that it will happen in a total way, but it is an on-going journey. There is no deadline. And there are many individuals that you will interact with so that --

I will interject here Hunnah's favorite analogy for in her spiritual journey is the seasonal digging up the ground. She drives along and sees the fields that have been furrowed, and she notices that new fields are heavily clumped and it takes many passes of the plow to get it to be supple. Other areas have been plowed many years and the ground is refined and the land is cultivated continuously.

--so that in your own consciousness there is new harvesting of land that is going to be prepared for new growth, and when you have these moments of impatience and are perplexed, allow yourself to remember that perhaps there is a new area that has had ground broken and when you are having good days, days when you are feeling the comfort and satisfaction of having been well-seeded, many years of growth, much satisfaction of the fruitage, that we are not dealing with a small circumference of any particular name of any particular individual. We are talking about consciousness. We are talking about endless possibilities, and no limitations. So if you can think of yourself as being the Father's vineyard, and being part of his crop, perhaps it will bring some degree of patience with you and satisfaction and solace.

Gerdean: That is definitely something I can use, Merium. I thank you for that, because now when I see a large lump, I will just say, "It's just a clod of clay," and I won't feel bad about giving it a good kick.

Iyana: Merium, a lot of what you said applied to me when I was going gung-ho to have people in my home so that I could host a class, and the message all the time was, "It will happen in good time" and so I have stopped feeling that I wasn't doing my job because they're not banging on the door. And when I have somebody come and they don't come back again, I don't feel that it was my fault, that I'm still waiting for it to happen. And I think that I'm here on earth until this is fulfilled, so I am learning patience also, but not letting it hamper my spiritual growth at all. Thank you, Merium.

MERIUM: That pleases me. Supposing you needed some yardage for something you were going to make but it wasn't made yet or it hadn't come through or the parts hadn't arrived. You're building a new house here. You are expanding your temple. You had a little shed at one time, and some of you had to level it because it simply was not worth the time or effort to add on or improve. And we are building a great accommodating temple here to allow this beauty that you are to dwell in it, and some of you insist on keeping a four-room house.

It is rather like Noah. He was not asked to build a raft and put a few animals on it (for the sake of an old story). He was asked to build a great ark. There is a gentleman in this area who was told to build a very large church, and he kept saying, "That's too big; that's too big!" But he obeyed, and his church was filled because there is a large number to accommodate. Mortals are so used to looking at an external picture because they learn that way, but I want to reverse this picture as the development of yourself.

You are not a little nugget of truth. You are going to accommodate that nugget into a vast size, and if you allow this external limitation to dictate the size of the wonderment that you truly are, then you will be woefully miserable, and when you have pain in your daily living, it is because you are pushing back the splendor that you are and not allowing it to really escape, because there are two instead of one: the old man and the new creature, the new creation. And I know this sounds like -- 

In Hunnah's reflection of some of my talks, she has worried and said, "but you speak of the same thing all the time!" and then she is reminded that we have to, when we cultivate, we have to remediate and today for maybe your attention is better than on another day.

So I hope that you will continue to be patient with me. I will try to bring forth this calling as creatively as possible for you, to keep you alert, amused and satisfied and I just cannot tell you how well you are doing, but you will know when you start to hear your growth from an inward way.

Iyana: That's wonderful. What a wonderful evening we've had. Thank you.

Leah: Thank you.

MERIUM: Gerdean?

Gerdean: Uh-huh.

MERIUM: All is well, dear.

Gerdean: Thank you, Merium. I know that it is.

MERIUM: You are never alone.

Gerdean: I'm not worried about that, either. I have a great company.

MERIUM: Let us all do a little imagery for a moment and go out on a pier. It is not a busy port; it's down by a lake. And I would like to have you all sit down on the pier and let your feet dangle in the water, and just smile and say to yourself, "Isn't it wonderful that I am with a loving God who will allow me to witness what I truly am and what others are?"

Gerdean: Thank you, Merium. 

MERIUM: Tomas?

TOMAS: Yes, Merium, I have been here enjoying the show. I myself have dangled my toes in the water and feel it a bit chilly for my taste, but the sun is warm. Indeed what imagery you have presented. But your message rings true and clear as "on a clear day you can see forever."

I didn't know that you could recite poetry, Merium. I am impressed! I have had a difficult time bridging the gap between my realm of operation and Gerdean's mental mechanism. I can access her words but I have not gone so deep as to read her poems. I am impressed. I have tried.

Even so, I understand in a more light and limber vein that tomorrow, Leah, you fly to London town.

Leah: This is true.

TOMAS: We shall await you when you touch down for we are in Merry Old England also and your trip is guaranteed to be enchanting.

Leah: I'm sure. I'm taking my smiling ministry with me.

TOMAS: You will have, as Gerdean might say, serendipities, but as we would say, synchronicities.

Leah: That's wonderful to look forward to.

TOMAS: Indeed it is! Iyana, it has been a pleasure having you in the neighborhood. I don't consider that you are really out of the neighborhood up north in Greenville, but having you in this close proximity has been great fun, a stimulus for many. Not just a pleasure for yourself, my dear, but for all of us.

Iyana: Thank you. It's funny, I was just thinking when you were talking to Leah, "Oh, I wonder if Tomas is going to speak to me?" So thank you.

TOMAS: Yes, you see, I know that if one gets a cookie, the other must have a cookie, and not any bigger! Aren't we funny that way. Don't think that we have completely outgrown those traits; even Merium and I have our own eccentricities of residue selfishness, but we have great fun with them and acknowledge the growth strides that enable us to live together harmoniously. In the more primitive realms, there are those who would kill for a cookie.

You are right to require and attain acknowledgement. You have earned the right to stand up and be counted. It is not even so much that you must make that demand for we want to acknowledge you and encourage you. We stimulate you that you may then stimulate us as well. This mutual admiration society is purposeful and is also equal. Our Father loves us all equally, you know.

I am just chatting. I am lightening up from a somewhat ponderous evening. A good one, a powerful one indeed, but as the evening grows late it gives me pleasure to wind down, as if with a melody, in order to sign off in good spirits ready for "real life". 

We will miss you in your temporary absences, but you are well looked after. You will return soon. We are watching and we are with you. And so, my friends, my companions, and my loyal pupils, Merium and I bid you a dear and fond adieu. Farewell.

Group: Thank you.



[Post-Teacher Session discussions on Merium's talk about Gerdean's zeal led to yet another reading, this one on "Why do the Heathen Rage" from page 1725 re: "spiritual assault."] 
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